THE GIRL NEXT DOOR

Marriage was a kind of escape for Sumalatha from her self induced boredom .Or at least that was the only importance she had attached to marriage at the time of her wedding .But it was not thus for Rajendran.Because he had loved her secretly since his college days .Sumalatha was a very head strong girl ..But she was very romantic .A kind of romance she had imbibed by reading umpteen romantic novels.

 But on the other hand Rajendran was a very down to earth natured person. He did not like to court and make a scene of his heart’s call .So he resorted to the proper channel to propose .Yes he went with his only relation ,his uncle from his mother’s side to Sumalatha`a house .Rajendran was a reasonably good government servant .and he was handsome too .As for the family wealth ..Well he was not a pauper .When his father expired there was a little wealth that was left for him .His mother had died in childbirth.

If one delved deeper in to Rajendran younger days, one would find a lot of upheavals .He was often called as an unfortunate child .But during his baby days and school going days,he did not understand the meaning of the villager’s irate nature .So one day he went to his dad and asked him “Dad, why is every one calling me cursed ? Is it because I have no mother? He stopped for a moment to see his dad’s reaction .Seeing none, he continued :Yes dad ,I have noticed at school that every body has a mother  and a father. But look at me …”This time he stopped and waited for his dad’s reply .His dad Chandran Pillai was flabbergasted at his son’s perception .How well he had found out that the absence or rather her death was the reason why every one called him “cursed”.

Chandran Pillai`s heart went to his son.” No dear, you are not cursed .You are the apple of my eye and also the reason for my happiness and well being .Just don’t listen to anybody else .They are talking thus because it is their nature to talk ill of others .You just don't pay any heed to them .I am here for you always.”

But Chandran Pillai`s words did not come true!

Because he died in a motor accident soon after .So again Rajendran was looked up on as cursed .Rajendran too started to think that it was true .Or else why did his parents die so soon? …His dad’s bachelor uncle brought him up .By some twist of  luck ,his uncle was a kind soul

            That was how Rajendran grew up .But when he grew up to be smart young man with an attractive government job and salary; he forgot all his misfortunes .At least that was what life had taught him …

It was by sheer accident that he had come across Sumalatha .To be precise, he met her at a traffic signal .She was being chauffeured to college .He fell in love with her then and there .But unlike other young men,he did not want to spoil her life in any way .So here he was with his uncle to ask for Sumalatha `s hand .

Sumalatha took one look at her prospective husband and liked him immensely .She did not cover up the fact that she was in it for the thrill of it .Rajendran liked her simplicity and frankness a lot. Little did he realize then that it was her affluent lifestyle that was speaking .Running out of life to escape boredom…..

The marriage was a simple affair .Only close friends and relatives were invited .As for Rajendran; he did not have any family except for his uncle .and a few friends from his office.

Sumalatha did not mind the pomp and pleasure of having a large wedding .All that she wanted to flaunt to her friends was that she was really married.

Sumalatha was a pampered girl .She was born rich .She had brother Sumesh,who doted on her as much as her parents .In the midst of all that comforts and luxury ,all she had done in her teenage years was read and read .She was very fond romantic novels .That was exactly what she read .Reading all those emotion charged novels ,she started feeling like one of the heroines of her novels .One day she would feel like `Margaret’ .At other times like `Nancy’ .

But living in a world full of imagination was starting to get boring .So that was why she had wanted to get married. She was too lazy to fall in love …

Now Sumalatha was married and she was thrilled to the core…!

Rajendran had a small but beautiful house in his place. Her parents also helped them settle down. They liked their son in law quite a lot .Because they knew that Sumalatha was a bit too pampered .But in Rajendran`s hands she would groom out well .That was their belief .Before the couple set off Sumalatha`s father called Rajendran to  his side and  told him “Son, I am very lucky to have got you a son in law .I know my daughter would be safe in your hands .But dear ,she is a bit too pampered .Please don't mind her little tantrums ..She was and still is very fond of romantic novels .So at this moment you too would be one of her heroes just out of her novels and she would be expecting all those exaggerated actions and melodramas from you too  ...”He stopped for a moment to search Rajendran`s face for a reaction .Finding none he started “why I am telling all this is because, she might take a few days or weeks to adjust to your way of living           and reality .You must excuse  her .”         Rajendran was very polite when he replied to his father in law.” No dad, I have no qualms about whatever her nature is .Because I consider her so fortunate to have had you both as her parents .I can very well adjust to all her childishness .Just don't worry .I love her too much to bother about all these little mistakes…” With that note he set off with his newly wed wife to a life he dreamt of …………..

        Sumalatha was a very coy and obedient wife, unlike her father’s predictions .Because that was what she had read in her novels. So Rajendran had no complaints.

Days of glorious happiness and sweet nothings passed by …honey moon was slowly giving way to realities. His leave was over and he was off  to office .Sumalatha had just his old uncle to keep her company in their new house .So she went about her daily chores without much interest .Actually she had visualized so much more ..It was not as if she found any thing wrong with Rajendran .Because he was a perfect husband .But this perfection was not what she had wanted out of married life .She wanted a tinge of ruthlessness,just like some of the heroes from her favorite novels …But she also knew in tandem, that she was being foolish ………So she left it all at that. After all life was  different from fiction.

Months passed by….One morning she got up early as usual to prepare the morning breakfast for her husband and herself .Rajendran`s uncle was away on a pilgrimage .That morning she was finding it all a bit difficult .A kind queasy feeling .As if she had taken the wrong food and her stomach was upset .But at the same time she was also worried about her missed periods. With out letting her condition hinder with the daily chores, she went about it .But with in a few moments she ran to the bathroom and was retching over the wash basin ….”Oh! God! “She was feeling giddy and she was also feeling the inevitable thing coming her way .Yes she was pregnant .No doubt about that .But waited for the doctor to confirm it .So after preparing the breakfast she told Rajendran “Raj,I have to go out to my friend’s house near here..” Just yesterday when I went to the supermarket, I met her accidentally .Seems she is staying quite nearby .do you mind’?” Of course I don't mind .Infact I am happy for you .You wouldn’t feel bored when I am away.’ With that note, he walked away.

Sumalatha finished her work fast and called an auto and went to the nearby clinic. She tested her urine and to her dismay she found herself to be pregnant. But she did not loose any time .She went to the gynecologist to confirm on how many months she was in her pregnancy .Because she had missed two or three periods with out showing any symptoms of pregnancy .Being immersed in her virtual dreams, she had overlooked her pregnancy too.

She came with a heavy heart .Because getting pregnant was the last thing she had wanted .It was not thus in any of the novels she had read .In almost all of them ,the hero was a swashbuckler ,who would take his lady love to all the romantic adventures possible ..Pregnancy would come after a few years .But here in her case it was all so different. She knew very well that once a child is born, then the entire attention would be on to the child .Romance would just fly out of the window ….

Pondering on all the negative aspects of being a mother ,Sumalatha started to get worried .She walked about the house like a caged animal .She was not at all ready for the motherhood .How dare Rajendran instill such status on her ,with out her consent .But she knew Rajendran to be a passive person ,who was interested in relations and attachments .Since he was an orphan ,she was sure that Rajendran would never ever consent to an abortion .So it was her turn to take that decision .But now her thoughts turned to how to convince Rajendran …
     Thoughts were occupying most of Sumalatha`s vigil hours .That started showing on her daily activities .So one day Rajendran decided to ask her.” Suma, what, what is eating in to your system .I see you walking around like a zombie .why? Is every thing Ok with you ?”Rajendran was really feeling concerned for her .Because  she was such a chirpy and frolicking girl a few days back .Now he was feeling apprehensive .What if he was the reason for her dullness ? May be she was missing her parents .May be this present state of affairs were  alien to her and she must be getting bored .But he wanted to make sure that he was wrong .So again he confronted her “Darling, please do tell me what is worrying you? Don’t tell me that it is nothing .I can see that you are damn worried.” Rajendran was really concerned. Sumalatha warded off his concern and anxiety with just a “No…nothing at all .You are just anticipating it.” But she stole that chance to tell him about the fabricated plot she had made as an initial start to do away with the child she was carrying.

Coyly she went to Rajendran`s side and started teasing him with her eyes-the first weapon a woman uses against a man to flirt .Yes ,a woman can make a man dance to her tunes with her age old power of teasing sexually and flirting ……..

“Raj,I want to go to my house for a few days .do you mind?” She knew very well that Raje did not want her out of his sight while he was home from the office “Now don't tell me that you are going to miss me .Because I would be away only for a day or maximum two ‘She waited .”But what is the big need all of a sudden to see your parents “Raj was getting a bit annoyed and she was able to feel it

“It is just that I have to visit my doctor, I mean my family doctor .Because I have been missing my periods .This used to happen even when I was a in college .It was she who regularized it then .But now it has occurred hence again .If we are to start a family, which you are overly interested in, it is better I go and see my doctor. Because she is the best person as far as my problem is concerned .As she has treated me before too  ...”Sumalatha heaved a sigh of relief .Because she could see a change of emotion in Raj eyes.” Poor  Raj. “She thought to herself.’ He had completely believed it all .She also knew that the concern was more so because he was anxiously waiting for her to get pregnant.

   It was with great care and difficulty that she warded off getting pregnant so far. But unfortunately she thought of resorting to safe period instead of contraceptive pills, for a change .Experimenting with life was a kind of hobby for her. Rajendran was unaware of all her doings. Had he got an inkling as to what her decision was, he would have objected hands down.. Suma knew that better than anyone else .That was why she was fabricating a master plan..

Even though Nilly Willy, Rajendran agreed to her going .Sumalatha felt all the pieces falling in her favor .wow! That was what her mind was whispering to her all through out the journey towards her parent’s house.

Sumalatha`s parents were a bit worried as to why she had decided to come all by herself and their worry was double folded when she told them that she had lied to her husband about the real reason why she was there .

Sumalatha`s father Gopinathan Nair was other wise a very sedate person .But on hearing about her intention to abort the child made him very irate .He tried to reason with her .But he had to give up his decision in front of Sumalatha`s tears .”Dad I am not yet prepared for mother hood .So if I enter in to mother hood with out my liking ,then I might end up being a very bad mother .Do you want me to be thus .Don’t you also think that it would be much better if I am also ready for it . ‘She had taken on a very pathetic note on to her speech. But although he knew that his daughter was unnecessarily cajoling for a very unreasonable need ,he was not able to deny her ,her pleasures…So at last he agreed .Sumalatha`s mother had no say in any matters .But even she was against her daughter’s decision .But she kept quite .

Since the gynecologist was a family friend of theirs, she agreed to the abortion .But even to her they had to tell some convincing lies .It was only on the credibility of those lies that she agreed. Sumalatha was already three months pregnant. Since her symptoms came a bit too late even she was not aware of it …It was a strange occurrence .But stranger things do occur at times.

Two days later while Sumalatha was happily relaxing in her house, she got a phone call from her doctor aunty. Suma is that you?” the doctor enquired ‘”Yes doctor aunty,”’Sumalatha beamed happily .She was still too over whelmed to contain her happiness. She was free of her pregnancy and that too with out Rajendran`s knowledge ‘’’What more could she ask for. The doctor was already speaking “Suma, let me tell you some thing .Your fetus was a female one .You should not have done the abortion  ...It was by some luck that no harm had come to you …let me give you a piece of advice .Please don’t ever attempt an abortion in future .Because one abortion is worse than ten pregnancies ..”

Sumalatha said a monotonous “Yes” to her and called off.

The very next day she went home beaming with life .Rajendran was quite moody .He asked her why she was feeling so happy at being away from him.”No dear “Sumalatha told him.” It is not  because I was away from you that I am happy .It is simply because I am fine  now .The doctor has given me good medicines to make my period cycle a regular one .With God’s grace I would be alright hence forth .’With that note  that conversation stopped.

Life went on in an even keel. Sumalatha got back all the fiction romance from her dear husband .At times he brought the question of starting a family .But every time such talk came up she told him to give her some more time. Rajendran thought it better to oblige her, as she was supposed to be on some medicines .How little did he know about the truth!!...........

                 Four years passed by. Four years of happiness and romance .Rajendran was a perfect husband to Sumalatha`s romantic trivialities .Because he understood her the best .She was a pampered child .So her world was some thing out of her novels .Rajendran was just the opposite .Life was a kind of traumatic experience for him .All that he learnt from life was all that he had experienced…But being a very understanding person, he was willing to adjust .It was more so because he loved his wife very much.

It was from out of the blue that one other neighbor’s once insisted on her seeing a doctor .She was a gossip monger .So it was her way of forming a gossip. Suma whydon’t you see a doctor about your problem?” “What problem”? Sumalatha was curious .Come on Suma ,I know that Rajendran is indeed craving for a child .Now what is stopping you from having a child .The other day he was seen at the hospital .Why is something  the problem “?

“No nothing is the matter “You are unnecessarily bringing in  a problem “ Sumalatha was indeed worried now. But she did not show it .

That night she confronted Rajendran “Raj what is your problem? Why did you go to the hospital?”

Rajendran did not beat around .He came straight to the matter.”Suma you know it too well that we have been trying for a child since eight months .Or don't you remember .But then why is it that we are not getting one?”So I wanted to make my path clear.” There is nothing wrong with me .In fact I was wanting to tell  you about it all after I was confirmed about my condition .But you seem to have known it all .Thanks to our dear neighbour “

Yes he was right .Sumalatha had given green signal for having a child. Because she was also starting to feel bored keeping just the two of them rekindling some fake romance .She had also slowly realized that fiction was different from facts.. And now come to think of that, he was right .They were not begetting a baby.. Oh God! Was some thing terribly wrong with her now?

She did not waste much time. The very next day she visited her doctor and certain  tests were taken .Life was turning sour .Or at least that was what Sumalatha felt  during the days  she was waiting for the results .

Then It happened …Doctor told her that she had lost the ability to become pregnant .Her first abortion had done the damage .That biological trauma had really marred her and made her barren……

                  Life stopped for Sumalatha .She did not know what to do .Of recent she too was craving for a child .But looked as if life was taking it turns to repay her bad deeds ‘Sumalatha felt the world collapsing around her …….

The romance, the fun frolic .Every thing gave way to prayers and medicines .Rajendran understood her trauma .Because he was also in the same boat as her. A baby was all he hoped for ….

Misfortunes never came alone .So that was what happened with Sumalatha too .Her dear brother and his wife died on a plane crash and their little boy who was just five years old was an orphan .Sumalatha`s grief knew no bound .She went to her parents house .On seeing the little boy Akhilesh, her heart went to him.

Rajendran asked her to stay with her parents for a few days as he as going on tour to Mumbai.

Sumalatha felt herself bloom even in spite of her traumatic experiences and the loss of her dear brother and his wife .The reason was none other than the little baby Akhilesh .She started doting on him as if he was her own child .Often she thought that her prayers were getting fulfilled in the form of Akhilesh .So one day she presented this matter to her parents “Dad, what do you say to my adopting this child .You know that I can`t beget a child .And Akhilesh is none other than my own flesh and blood .My brother’s  soul would be able to rest in peace ,if I adopt this child .Don’t you think so dad ?”

“Yes, Suma “her dad seconded her opinion.” You are very correct .Your mother and I have become old and sick .So Akhilesh would feel more comfortable and happy with you. But don't you want to ask Rajendran, about his opinion.”?” No dad, he would not say no to my wishes .I know him so well.

So that was decided and when Rajendran returned from Mumbai ,this happy turn of events were imparted to him .He was very happy as was expected out of him.

Life went back to being fun and happiness once again .Akhilesh brought a new meaning in to Sumalatha`s life .She was always busy petting and pampering him .Rajendran was also equally attentive of all his needs .Akhilesh was a very brilliant boy .He was in class one and was the class leader too .He resembled His father so much that Sumalatha started feeling pangs of sorrow engulfing her .Because looking at Akhilesh ,she was always made to remember her dear Brother Sumesh and his infinite love for her .But she consoled herself with the comforting thought that God had given her golden chance to show how important and lovable her dear brother would always be to her ..

Time flew past waiting for none .Now Sumalatha was a woman of fifty and a widow .Some where along her happiness Destiny played truant and snatched away her dear husband .But he had made her comfortable financially while alive and she had some family wealth to lean back to .Although money was not much problem ,Sumalatha found loneliness bothering her .Akhilesh had grown up in to a handsome young man of 26.He was a Bank employee .Before he got the job Sumalatha had a lot of  time to be with him .So she did not have much friends .But with Akhilesh away her thoughts went back to her on work ,she was trying it hard to adjust to the  lonely ways .Often glorious days with Rajendran and the daughter she never had .Had she not aborted her ,she would have been a beautiful young girl of 22 or 23 ..Akhilesh could have married her too .Such soothing thoughts made her exist in her dreams alone .Because now her dreams had more substance .She craved for those times …She mentally cursed her fictitious existence during those times. When it was too late she had realized that the glory of a married life was the family .Sex and romance had such trivial parts to play in a marriage Yes they were necessary to concrete an everlasting basement to the marriage institution .But clutching on to that basic instincts alone would do nothing to enhance an everlasting bliss. She realized it more than anyone.
Sumalatha heaved a deep sigh and went about doing all the house hold chores.

 It was my mere coincidence that Akhilesh chanced to watch Sumalatha go about her works with not much interest .Infact he had thought so about her listlessness a few weeks back .But he was so tied up with heavy work in the Bank, that he forgot to ask her the reason for her lethargy .But now was the chance .He called her “Mom.” That was how he addressed her ever since he became a part of her life I had noticed since a few weeks, that you are showing some lack of interest in every thing .Why? Is every thing ok with you ? Or should we consult a doctor? ‘Sumalatha was so overwhelmed by her son’s concern .No dear ,it is just that I am a bit bored  doing all the work .It is so monotonous .Being a village  area ,there aren’t much places where we can go or many neighbors. Any way it is ok I will get over this listlessness by and by .Just don't mind me dear. Sumalatha consoled him .How can she ever tell him that she was unhappy over all her past  follies .It would all sound so silly to him. Yes Sumalatha decided it is indeed silly to think and worry about what could have been .God has forgiven her of all her follies .That was why she was awarded with a golden son.

       One day while gazing out of her bedroom window she saw a small house next to her backyard “.How was it that I had never noticed a house there so far. I was so immersed in wallowing about my on tragedies that I have even forgotten my where about. She told to herself .She decided she would go there .Akhilesh had told her that he would be away for a day or two .So she decided she would spend some time with her nearby neighbor .At least that would be like a breather to her engulfing loneliness.

That evening She went to that house and knocked .An Old lady came out .She was finding it a bit   difficult to walk by herself .So there was  young girl of twenty or twenty one with her .Sumalatha introduced herself. They ushered her in to verandah .The old lady told her granddaughter “Meena, please bring in a chair .So that we can sit here in this verandah .It is so breezy here today.

That old lady’s name was Ammukutty amma. She was staying alone with her grand daughter Meena .Meena’s parents had separated and had gone their own ways .No one  had any time for little Meena .The truth was that Meena’s mother had eloped with her lover since college days .Finding this out her father has become a sot and blamed it all on poor Meena .What could a little girl of three do ,if her parents decide to turn in their own wild ways .But Meena’s grand mother had taken up the responsibility of her and had moved in to this house since then .At that time her grand mother had a decent job .But now old age and sickness had creped in making her life so miserable .She was existing only for Meena .``You know Sumalatha .My sole aim now is to see that Meena is married well in to a decent family .So I can die in peace .”She stopped her volley of words with a deep sigh.

Sumalatha`s hear went to her .In her initial meeting itself Ammukutty amma had opened  her heart so much to her .That itself showed how much desperate she was to see Meena marry well . A very natural and sincere concern .Sumalatha immediately liked Ammukutty amma very much .Besides Meena was such a pretty girl. She pacified Ammukutty amma thus “Sister, don’t worry about anything .You have brought up your grand child in the best possible way .You have never made her feel the absence of her parents .Don’t you think God almighty would grand you your wishes.”? ‘Just don't worry .Every thing would sort out well”.

Sumalatha became a regular visitor to that house hold .She regained her lost vigor .Now she was grafting certain plans in her heart .She loved her next door girl .So why not make her her daughter in law? .Designs were already forming in her mind now, Only difference was that this time it was all for her son and not for herself .She couldn’t wait to tell Akhilesh about it all.

One Sunday morning Akhilesh was relaxing with a cup of coffee. Sumalatha approached him and sat next to him.” What is it Mom? I know there is some thing you want to tell me. Now come on tell me with out much beating around.” Akhilesh waited.

“No dear, it is nothing .Just that I feel it is time for you get married .You know why I am telling you thus .I have already found the girl.” Sumalatha stopped and gave him mocking wink.” What, you have already found the girl too? But how you did it all by sitting in the house .That is some thing really great?  Not bad for an old lady.” Akhilesh teased her .He was still not able to believe her.” Who is old? Well I am not. Ok?” Sumalatha pretended anger. They laughed and joked for some more time. Akhilesh was feeling very happy .Because his mother was happy. The new neighbors have brought back cheer and life in to his mother’s life .At least she was able to ward of her loneliness in his absence .He thanked those next door neighbors with his mind.. One day he decided to go with his mother to that house. But how come she had found out his future wife too? He decided to ask his mother .Sumalatha then told him about Meena and her grand mother Ammukutty amma. How wonderful they were and the entire trauma they had to undergo. Akhilesh listened to it all with baited breath and with out battling his lids .It was all so thrilling and wonderful .Even with out seeing Meena and Ammukutty amma ,he was already fond of them .No wonder his mother felt the same .So he told his mother excitedly .”Mom Let us go to that house today evening it self .I can’t wait to see her. We shall surely go there e, son .And I am sure you are going to like Meena immensely .I feel so happy now .God is indeed great.” Suma finished with a sigh……

That evening they both went to Meena’s house .The doors were all closed .So Sumalatha knocked .But there was no   answer. `Probably they must have gone out some where. Come son .Let us come back tomorrow.” Suma turned back to her house .But Akhilesh was not moving .There was some thing very wrong .The house looked dilapidated and unused .There were so many old and dried leaves scattered around there .Some dirty cobwebs were dangling around the shut windows and doors .On the whole the house looked as if it hadn’t been occupied since months or years…How come that mother found sanctity and happiness here with those two people .Some thing was very fishy .Akhilesh was getting apprehensive of some thing untoward happening .Any way he decided to probe further in to the matter with out his mother’s  knowledge .

That night he went to the nearby shop and enquired about that house and it`s inmates .The answer he got shocked him out of his skin. The shop keeper told him that   the house was unoccupied since a few years as there was a case running about its ownership .He didn’t know the details .But one thing he was sure .That is there wasn't anyone staying there since so many years!!!!!!!!!!

Akhilesh felt as if the earth was moving out from under his feet .He realized with shock that his mother was hallucinating .The doctors would give this type of insanity some funny names .But he did not know what to do .How can he bring his mother to distinguish between fiction and facts .She was already living in that hallucinatory world `Oh God !Am I loosing my mother completely?” Akhilesh started to weep silently.

On reaching home he found his mother sulking.” Come on mom, .It is not the end of the world .They would come back tomorrow .And then we would again go to their house and see them .So cheer up “Akhilesh was seething in side.

Next day he took leave and took her to a psychiatrist .There in the presence of the doctor he tried to reason with her .But Sumalatha was not able to believe any thing what they told her .So she started fighting back adamantly .On insistence she shouted so highly that she swooned .And that was the first attack she got .Because some where along the arguments she came in contact with realities and she was not able to give in .Yes she realized in flashes that she had fabricated it all .But soon she slipped in the  utopian world she had created .The conflicting thoughts and mentalities broke her heart and she collapsed.

Sumalatha was admitted in to the ICU. The doctor told him that she was recouping slowly .And that she was under good watch…Akhilesh prayed to every thing he held sacred ,for his mother’s complete recovery .He decided to take some leave once she got better .So they could go on a long holiday to some health resort .Thinking thus he dozed off.

It was late in to the night .Sumalatha slowly woke up in her ICU bed .She found so many tubes and wires attached to her.” What was wrong with me “? She wondered .She tried to recapture the past things. Yes she could very well remember going to Meena’s house .But they were not there and they had come back with a decision to return the next day .But then what happened after that .She could remember a pain shoot through her some where during the night .Yes now she was able to recapture some dialogues that passed between her son and herself .Akhilesh was telling her that she was imagining things. “As if that next door house   was empty .Then what of Meena and Ammukutty amma.” Sumalatha felt her head throbbing again .She wanted to shout. But no sound came. There was a sister next her bed .But she was sleeping. Sumalatha waited a while then she was about to call her nurse, when a slight tapping was heard on the door .Then slowly the door opened and Meena came in.. Sumalatha was so happy to see her .She said “thank God you are here dear. Just now I was wondering where you all had gone .See, I had come to your house with Akhilesh .Actually I was having some other ideas about you and Akhilesh …”She stopped for a moment and looked at the sleeping nurse .Then continued.” Dear Meena .I have certain plans for you andAkhilesh .I shall tell you about it all when I come home .Actually you are my daughter whom I never had because of my own vile ways .But let us not delve in to it all …””Yes” we have to delve in to .That is why I am here” Meena interrupted . She stared fixedly at Sumalatha`s face and said slowly.” I am your daughter ,.Yes the daughter whom you aborted ,I had wanted to live and get your love and care .I had ambition and aspirations .But you snuffed it all in the prime itself .How could you amma .Don’t you feel remorse .Don’t you want to pet me and pamper me ?…”Meena was cajoling and forcing .”Yes dear  ...”Sumalatha started to weep .The tears of remorse and guilt flowed down her cheeks .How much she had wanted to rectify her wrong doings .Now her daughter was here .God is merciful .”Amma.Don`t you want to be with me...Then come get up …”With that Meena guided her out of the bed………………

The night duty nurse who was sleeping soundly jolted up hearing a loud thud .She was stunned to see Sumalatha lying face down near the toilet.. She ran to the duty doctor and all of a sudden there was total mayhem.

The doctor came in and so did Akhilesh .They carried Sumalatha in to the bed and tried all the possible methods but in vain !……………. 

                                                    *                    

                                              Akhilesh stood near his mother’s funeral pyre and wept inconsolably. It was drizzling slightly when the funeral blaze shot high up .Akhilesh looked heaven ward .He felt as if his mother was smiling down at him and telling him that she was at last with her daughter -…That daughter she had aborted in this mortal world!!!

                                               ***                                                         By sheela     

A TALE  CALLED  LIFE

MADHAVAN`S FAMILLY looked happy and comfortable to anyone who viewed it from outside….But that was not the case .To tell about it ,one had to take into consideration his family members .Yes the members were the main impediment……… .

Madhavan loved boys .He wanted all his children to be boys. But it is not in your hands to get male children alone .So was it with Madhavan too. His wife gave birth to a bonnie baby. Every one rejoiced in that house hold .Because it was Madhavan`s first child .It had been quite difficult for Meenakshi to conceive .As according to the doctors ,she was very weak .So it was after a long course of medication and prayers that she conceived .Madhavan`s parents joy knew no bounds. They had thought that they would never live up to see their grandchild. But things shaped out according to their wishes….

Madhavan was not at all happy .Although a child was welcome; he was hoping to get a baby boy. He showed his animosity towards his wife Kalyani, when no one was around” how could you do this to me, you wretched woman ``.He would wail in the privacy of their bedroom .But Kalyani did not know how she could answer him back satisfactorily. So it went on and on till Madhavan grew to like the girl….Yes after a few months of ranting and raving ,he started to slowly like the little pranks of the baby girl ..She had a name now Madhavi .So that explains how dear that girl had become to him ….Still in the heart of hearts he nursed his craving for a boy.                        

Kalyani was not ready for another conceiving…But Madhavan was adamant .He coaxed her in to another pregnancy .Madhavan knew the tricks of the trade, when it came to forcing a woman to dance to his tunes …Kalyani agreed nilly willy to another pregnancy .But the doctors were against it .They admonished Madhavan to be more careful of his wife’s health .She did not have enough health to bear another child.

Madhavan cared two hoots for Kalyani`s health .He was so rude that he wanted just a baby boy and nothing else.” I just don't care what the bloody doctors are saying about my wife’s health deteriorating. It is her duty to give me a boy.” That matter was closed with his ranting thus often.

 With in a matter of ten months, Kalyani became pregnant and gave birth to twin girls.

Total bedlam broke out in that house hold.Madhavan`s old mother tried to pacify the situation.” She once advised Madhavan “Madhav, It is not yours or your wife’s fault that she is giving birth to girls  ...It is how her constitution is. You can’t blame her for that “Madhavan was seething from inside .He was not willing to hear out his mother. Three girls in a stretch. What have I done to get such a big burden``Madhavan often cried to himself….

A few years passed by thus .Madhavan was the worst father to the three children .But some how or the other; he was fond of the eldest girl. No one understood his psychology behind that. Her name too denoted his affection and special place for her in his heart. The second child Mayuri was the best looking among the three .The third was Mallika .Although she was younger to Mayuri by only a few hours, she did not look half as pretty as her twin.Madhav hated her most .He showered his animosity about his female issues on that girl alone.”Mallika “he used to shout often..``Where have you kept my pen ``? At other times it would be ``Mallika.You wretched girl, what have you done with my shirt.’ Then followed a volley of swearing and bad words...Some times it ended up in tight flogging for that little girl. Everyone knew the real culprit to be either Madhavan himself or the other two girls .But no one sided Mallika .Kalyani was a silent spectator to all those melodrama .She too wasn't overly protective towards poor Mallika .

Mallika found the days longer and nights shorter .Because days had hordes pain and trauma in store for her .She often prayed to God to help her get a release from all these lashings, both physical as well as verbal..`Are they really my parents “She often asked her uncle Bhaskaran .Bhaskaran was her father’s younger brother .He was not at all like his brother in nature .More so when in matters concerning Mallika.He knew the trauma the girl had to undergo …But he was a silent spectator to everything .Bhaskaran was living alone although he was married .Till date he has not told anyone about the reason why his wife went away .If confronted with an question about his self imposed bachelorhood, he would say that “Santhamma was a good woman .But I was not .I troubled her a lot because we were not able to get a child .The fault was with me .But I saw to it that the blame was always on her .She got so tired about all the bitching she had to suffer, that she went away ……yes ..I was the reason why she went away.” Thus saying he would stop and heave a sigh. The onlookers would feel pity for him .     

Once on hearing this reason ,his best friend Raghavan asked him”Bhaskar,You very well know that the fault was with you  and that you had unnecessarily harassed your wife .If you realize that much ,why don't you break the ice and go and call her ?”To that all that Bhaskaran would give was a long sigh…He never answered to that …So no one asked about it ever again. That way no one knew what the real reason why Santhamma went away …one thing every one knew .that was ,Bhaskaran was a die hard  gambler….

Now Bhaskaran was regretting all those past doings .He was a changed man now .Even he was not aware of a rogue hiding inside him now. That was how it was …

   One Sunday Bhaskaran decided to go to his brother’s house...It was with a purpose that he was planning to go there .He was aware of the fact that Mallika was ill-treated there .That was the main reason for his present visit..

“What a pleasant surprise Bhasku”Madhavan greeted him with a wide smile. ``I thought you had forgotten the way to my house? Madhavan was all complaints  ...”No brother, I had been to your house last Friday .But only Mallika was here’Bhaskaran purposely did not tell him about Mallika`s grievances…He knew that ,if at all he said anything  ,,Mallika would have to bear the entire burden of it ..

Bhaskaran and Madhavan talked about many things …Lunch was served and he asked Mallika to sing a song for him.” But how did you know that Mallika could sing “Madhavan was wondering …``I am sure you have never heard her sing  ...”Madhavan was looking at his brother ``No brother, you are mistaken .I have surely heard her sing .Remember the other day when I came here. You people had all gone out, leaving the girl here alone. When I came in I heard Mallika hum. And It was perfect.” He stopped …``Ok …agreed .She sings well .But what is the use of having three girls in a family .One is more than enough..”Madhavan started to complain. It looked to Bhaskaran as if he was trying to do away with his second and third children. As according to Mallika, she was the most hated person in that household .And her sole crime was that she as born a girl the third time over .As if it was all her making …

Bhaskaran had come there with his mind set on an idea. This was the best time to tell it .So he blurted it out to his brother “How about giving Mallika to me .I shall bring her up as my own daughter .The little amount I have as saving shall automatically go to her after my time .You can simply forget about her then .I know you like her the least .”

Madhavan was happy. But he was clever enough not to show that .He pretended to be thinking for a while .Then he decided to agree .The decision was not at all a hard one as  he had already decided on it .

Mallika`s joy knew no bounds .She never expected that Bhaskaran uncle would take her away from her loathsome house .Even her sisters were not very friendly with her .They all expected too much of menial jobs from her .How could that be as she too belonged to that house .If at all she said about her birth rights, she would have had to wind up that day with out food or water .That was how much she was accepted in her own house hold …

                                                  Life with Bhaskaran was a changed atmosphere altogether for Mallika.Because she was given a lot of importance from day one.. Bhaskaran saw to it that Mallika was in need of nothing. every thing she wished was always available there………  

Life started getting a meaning for Mallika .Early mornings were no longer sleep laden and taxing .She did not have to sweat and toil in the kitchen .Yes in her own house hold she was considered as a slave. Her twelve year old mind was not able to understand the depth of animosity her parents felt for her birth as a girl .Because that was beyond her level of thoughts…

She was basically a studious child .So there wasn’t any need for any special tuition for her .Still Bhaskaran kept a lady teacher to support her with any subject she found hard to understand in school .Bhaskaran was a loner since his wife’s departure from his life .Mallika was aware of the undercurrents that had happened in his life .She also knew that Bhaskaran wife had remarried and was living happily some where. Poor Bhaskaran Uncle ‘she often thought .Because in her eyes he was the personification of love and affection.

Days swept by giving way to months and months flew past  making way for years…..Mallika was now a girl of eighteen .It was not as if she missed her parents .But they came at times to visit her .Bhaskaran was going through a lean period in his life .Because some of his friends cheated him in to starting a joint construction venture .But that was a ploy to dole pout his much saved funds .Bhaskaran`s miserly ways were a kind of spoke for his friends .Whatever it was ,he was in deep financial obligations now .Mallika was needing a lot of money too now for her higher college education .

So Bhaskaran decided to approach her parents, his brother Madhavan for some money .After all she was their child.

Madhavan`s reactions on hearing about Bhaskaran`s downfall just the opposite to what Bhaskaran had ever imagined ..”Didn’t I tell you or rather warn you that she was doomed .she would never ever bring anyone any goodness .But you seemed so fond of her .That was when you started to dig your on grave .Now you have dug it. You can lie on it .don’t ever feel that I am going to help you .It would only back lash on me. Get that wretched girl out of your system. Then you would prosper “That was how Madhavan lashed back at Bhaskaran ..Hearing these outbursts, Bhaskaran was aghast .So much venom. And that to towards his own flesh and blood …

He did not wait there further .Because there wasn’t any use..

In truth it was not the crumbling of his construction venture that had done the damage .It was his overzealous gambling ways that had made him a bankrupt…

He walked back as a dejected man from his brother’s house .But how was he going to make money for all the financial cruxes. Sooner or later there would be a line of cut throat financiers at this door step…

That night Bhaskaran retired to bed early .But the did not sleep .He listened to the different sound around the house .He was able to hear Mallika humming softly while she was cleaning all the dinner  plates .By the time Mallika was big enough to do all the household chores ,she had insisted on sending away the servants .Because she wanted to be of some help to her dear Bhaskaran uncle .So the least she could now do was to cut short on the servant expenditure .She was only too happy and willing to do all the work .She enjoyed it …

Sleep was evading Bhaskaran .Because a kind of wicked idea was taking shape in his mind.

The financier to whom he owed a large amount of money was diehard womanizer. Young girls were his weakness. His love for this opposite sex was very famous around all his customers .There were some rumors too about how so many escaped his wrath and cut throat interests by presenting him with young and helpless girls .and now it was Bhaskaran`s turn…he was thinking deeply .Madhavan had called Mallika a doomed birth .His experiences too were proving to be very supportive of  that comment .Was Mallika really a doomed birth ?He knew in his subconscious he was trying to justify a vileful action that he was about to commit .Yes ..he was planning to sell her to that lecherous financier and thus escape from his wrath .It would save him..

Bhaskaran`s real self was popping up its sick head .Actually This was one of the main reason why he had opted for adopting Mallika .He understood very well that there wasn't a single soul who would ever try to find fault with him, if at all he did some thing unworthy and forbidden with this girl .His good behaviors and over concern were all a sham. This was the real Bhaskaran.

            Bhaskaran got up, decided  ...”Malli”He called softly.” Why are you up ,dear “?Don’t you think it is high time you went to bed “His villainous mind was reveling .He knew he had her where he wanted her .Because very often she told him how much she owed her happiness to him .She was ever ready to do anything for him …Poor Mallika.. How little she knew her mentor!! .When she meant that she was willing to do anything for him ,she never dreamt that he would ever ask her to oblige him in any forbidden way .That was a thought that never passed her mind ..Because that was not a natural thought..

That night passed peacefully .With Mallika sleeping soundly and Bhaskaran making calculations and decisions.

Next day morning Bhaskaran went out early .He told Malli not to wait for him for lunch .Because since college leave, she had a nature of waiting for him to join her for lunch .She was on her annual leave.

Bhaskaran went straight to his financier .Ajaml Khan. That was his name .He roared as soon as he saw Bhaskaran”What brings you here? Have you brought the interest money with you, rascal’? There was n`t any stopping his volley of bad words.

“Sir, this time more you should excuse me .But listen carefully .I have a very good option instead. for you .When I reveal it, you would never ever ask me for interest money  ...Yes. I am telling you the truth …”Bhaskaran stopped with a cunning look.

“Come on tell me  ...What is it that you have in store for me “Ajaml Khan was a changed man now  ...That was how his eroticism worked.

Every thing was decided .Yes the deal to sell  Mallika was decided .Ajaml was the happiest man alive now..

Bhaskaran went home with a set of decisions .He knew it would be a child’s play to deal with Mallika .She was innocent .Why had he brought her up so well ,if she was not for his use ….

Even her parents had discarded her .It was he who had given her a complete life .So she should naturally obey him. That Odious man was trying to justify his actions.

Unaware of all the undercurrents, Mallika prepared lunch for Bhaskaran and served him .Then she sat with him and started to eat .It was then that Bhaskaran broke the silence.”Mallika .there is a person coming here for dinner .He is very dear to me .So you should serve and treat him well..Ok?”``Ok, uncle “Mallika replied immediately.

Evening set in and Bhaskaran went out with a promise to return fast .By 7`o` clock,Ajaml khan arrived .Bhaskaran had already told her about Ajaml .So she ushered him in to  the sitting room .After the initial formalities, she went inside to prepare the tea and also the dinner .She served him the tea and went in .It was then Bhaskaran came .”Oh Mallika I am so sorry I was late.” With that he asked her to go and sit with Ajaml...”But why Uncle. I shall prepare dinner .You go and sit with him.” NO” It was rude shout from Bhaskaran “``He has come to see you ‘Now it is  your duty to do the needful.’ Please him .He would free me from all my financial obligations …Now be a good girl and do as I tell you .Why do you think I brought you up so well. Be of some use to me. Even your parents regards you as doomed. And by your life you are proving to be thus to me too .Now listen. You can save me from all the troubles. Just be a good girl and do as Ajaml khan asks you to do…”

Mallika was thunder struck. She was not able to utter a single word .Was it her own dear Uncle who was speaking to her like this? She was not able to believe her ears. ``Were all these years of love and care, a sham?’ So after all she was just an object to be sacrificed in the altar of Bhaskaran`s pleasure and gains! Mallika wanted to scream ..She felt as if her legs and hands had turned in to jelly …she was completely  shattered .Was there no such thing as love and care in this world “she mused .Or was it all denied  to her …Oh God Why was I born at all. Was there no one who craved for her or whom she could trust and love whole heartedly … ‘She started to cry  ...But her tears were falling on spiteful grounds. Those tears had no value there..``now that is enough..Don`t over do any thing. I haven’t asked you to do something out of the way .For all the amount of attention I had showered on you, it is just a small favor I am asking out of you ..No one would ever know what went about in this room …It would be just three of us …”Bhaskaran`s sound was taking the tone of a plead. But she knew that he was seething from inside. He wanted her to oblige and dance to his tune …And he was fully drunk too..

``No…uncle don't ask me to do some thing which I hate doing. I never expected you to be so rude. Have you no heart .For all that has happened In my life in the past, is this the reward you are giving to me. I would have been better of sweating and toiling in my own house .At least they would not have done this heinous deed” …..Mallika had already started to weep uncontrollably between her words...Bhaskaran was loosing patience too .He did not want to disappoint Ajaml khan …Disappointing him meant that he would be again victim of his wrath .This time double fold …

              Mallika  did not think twice …She ran out of the house into the darkness .Bhaskaran started to run .But Ajaml Khan appeared in the door way and prevented him from following her .’You fool. What have you said to her..?Is this the way to coax a girl in to such an act..?You should not have revealed every thing to her. You are drunk and hence out of your senses. You have spoiled the entire set up .Now you would have to bear the result”. With those words he swept past Bhaskaran in to the gate and got in to his car and drove away .

Bhaskaran was devastated. He now realized the folly he had done .Yes Ajaml khan was right .He should not have revealed the reason why the Khan was here, to Mallika .He should have slowly prepared her for the event .That way she would not have been able to escape just like that. Now what has he done .He has gained the wrath of Khan and has also lost the` golden goose `…..Mallika would have been a fine bait for all his lecherous financiers in the future ….Some how he had to find her .He decided .He knew that his life was now in great danger either way…

Mallika did not stop running till she came to a busy road. It was a traffic signal junction. She took the road towards the railway station. A she felt that road to be slightly familiar. She ran as fast as her legs could take care. There were some strollers staring at her in surprise. But fortunately nothing unforeseen happened till she came to the station...

Some train had just come in. So there was a huge crowd of people in the railway station .Hence no one noticed a wayward young girl rushing about sobbing …

Mallika was still not able to come in terms with   what had happened to her life just a few moments ago .Wasn’t she preparing to go to bed after a lively dinner with her uncle and his friend Ajaml khan.” Then why was she here, crying and fretting..Mallika sat in a secluded corner in the ladies` waiting room .She wanted to regain her composure .People were busy with their own affairs .Mallika stopped crying and looked about her .She felt as if she was the only person with no one to  call as hers. There in that station so many were moving past her  looking anxiously about for their dear ones .Everybody had somebody  to love .Tears started to well again ..She decided to find a solution for her life .She did not want to thank her life for giving her the life she despised..Life had in fact cheated her .So why should she be grateful to it and continue to live? Her wounded soul started to reason in a very philosophical way .This life was not worth living .Even her parents had dubbed her as doomed .And the person whom she considered as her world had just tried to capitalize on her looks .He wanted to save his life by sacrificing her life .So that meant that her life was not meant for her .But for satisfying some lecherous devils.

She decided to end her miserable life .A life that had no meaning even for herself…whatever she wished turned back against her..May be she was indeed doomed .She did not want to think so .But her life was now making her feel so ….

She sat brooding over her miserable life …

                    She did not know when she fell asleep .But when she woke up with a jolt, it was still dark..She looked at the clock that was there near her side on the wall .It was 3`0`clock..She got up and walked towards the door .Almost every one were asleep .No trains were coming in too .So she  walked towards a coolie, who was awake .He was smoking a cigarette.”  Sir, when is the  next train coming through this station?” She enquired  ...”where do you want to go ‘? Was his doubtful reply .He felt it very odd that a young girl was asking about no particular trains. But just about any train that would pass that station …But he did not bother .As he was very tired and was in the process of getting some sleep …

So he said “I think there is one coming over from south within half an hour ….’’With that he warded her off .

She ran towards the direction from which that train would arrive .She was not certain.  Still she ran ..There were some people waiting at platform No 4 for a train. So she ran towards the further end of that track, which would bring the northbound train. She moved further in to the darkness towards the track .Soon she reached a spot where there was just enough light for her to see her surroundings..It was a full moon day.

Lying on the track with her head on the rails was a very frightening thing. But she did not budge .Because the life that would other wise await her would be more frightening …

She lay there silently turning her head at times to see whether the train was approaching. It was such a new experience..A shiver ran through her..She thought back about all those wildest happenings in her life that had made her come to this railway track. It was not as if she wanted to end her life ,because she was a coward .She knew that no one was wishing her well ,if she lived .So what was the point in loosing her self respect and chastity to a set of self-centered ruthless men ?Her life was not meant for giving satisfaction to some one else ,at the risk of her own happiness….her thoughts were in a kind of rollercoaster ride with so many ifs and buts…..and she was loosing patience and was also afraid that she was loosing her extraordinary courage to lay there  awaiting her death .There was nothing  she had out there in life waiting to make her happy .Death was better ..Thus pondering she lay there …

After some time she turned her head to one side to peer in to the oncoming dawn, for an approaching train…Then she saw a pair of eyes looking in to hers from a few feet away from her …It was another person with the same fate.. a fate of awaiting for  death. That person was a young man…He was also looking her way. Their eyes met for a few moments .Time stood still for both of them .Their eyes spoke and enquired so many untold things..Suddenly they both got up simultaneously, as if some guiding force forced them to do so …

He was the first one to break that pregnant silent  ...”What brings you here ‘.He asked her “The same occurrence that brought you here “...She answered defiantly..”No, girl. Please don't ever try to take away your life for simple and mundane things .I know you would not like me to admonish you .But I am saying all this out of care and concern for you ..’He paused for a moment then continued suddenly” My case is different . You don't know the traumatic happenings in my life. My death is the only solution to so many problems. That is why …I know you are being impulsive and taking this drastic decision …Dear, Life is for the living..Leave my case..You go back to all those dear ones who are awaiting   you. They would forgive you.”Mallika was burning from inside with sorrow and anger..But she was controlled, when she answered him” How little you know of my problems .Why do you feel that I am ending my life  for a trivial cause .No ,friend. Just as you said ,my life is my misfortune .I would be free of so many problems ,if I end it .Besides I have no one dear or near awaiting my home coming .In fact there isn’t a single soul who is missing me  at the moment `With those words she started to weep softly ..Mallika knew there was no use of any tears when she had decided on ending her life..Tears are for those who wishes to live differently..

                 Then as if on cue, he got up from there and went and sat very close to her and took her hands in his and said “You have a problem and I have a problem  ...but we can together diffuse those problems .After hearing about the reason why you are ending  your life ,I feel that the worst thing in life is loneliness and loveless existence .But why can’t we give life a second chance .I can help you forget your problems.Similarily I am sure  you can help me love life again ..”Saying thus he took both her hands in his and looked lovingly in to her eyes. His face was just an inch away from hers .He looked deep in to her eyes .He saw a deep longing there .A longing to belong..Looking in to her eyes he felt that his problems were so minimal .He felt he had to live to give her back all that what she needed. He spoke ever so lightly “Dear ,we have a whole lot of our life together …I am inviting you in to my life now .Here at the break of this dawn, I promise you I shall make you a very happy person….Besides I need you in my life .A life which I had nearly thrown out’’.Saying thus, he got up .Mallika felt as if she had come to some ultimate happiness .She saw that genuine love in his eyes .Yes he was wanting to live after  he saw her .It was a moment of truth and real love .A person who had wanted to die ,was willing to live for her ..Oh God …what a divine experience!!!!.

Mallika did not think twice .She went in to his inviting arms and he held her close..So close as if he would never ever let her go ..’’One day we shall tell about all our bad past  to our children and then we can laugh it off together as if it were  all a nightmare..’He said in to her ears ……………

Thus with her head resting on his shoulder and his arms around her, they drifted past that railway line in to their own private heaven on this earth. Into  a life that God had forcibly given back to them ..

As they moved past the railway station, they heard the sound of that northward bound train speeding fast behind them…………!

                                                                                                                                  By

                                                                                                                                      Sheela

                                                 THE TREASURE


Gouri amma was living alone .Every one asked her why she was living alone. She had just one answer to tell them all “Mind your own business”! So every one stopped asking her the reason for her solitude. Although she was alone and needed some support to do even the daily chores, she was adamant. She kept no one near her and seeked no one’s help.
At times, she ran short of her provision. That was when Gouri amma really wished she had her son near her .Yes, she did have a son. Somewhere far away he must be living happily, forgetting even his dear mother. That was how she often thought about him.
But she had no regrets what so ever about any thing that life was extending towards her.
There was a time in her life not so long ago, when every thing looked lively and full of hope .Gouriamma‘s son was near her then .She did not feel the need to have any thing or any one .As ,her son was her world .Her husband Mahadevan had left her for a better and younger looking woman. But Gouri amma did not fight with her husband for her marital rights .What was the use of winning a hopeless case .Yes that was how she saw a cheating husband’s wayward ways .Once her neighbour and best friend Leelamma asked her
“Gouri, haven’t you admonished your husband from wandering towards that slut?’Gouri amma had a very calm ex-pression then .Although she was not educated in the literary way ,she had an inherent awareness of the ways of the world as well as heart .A human mind according to her was the most adamant and disobedient aspect ever .If a mind decides that it has to turn it’s course in such a direction ,it would go only in that direction .It was futile to forcibly distract it’s direction .This was Gouriamma‘s theory about life .Even in matters relating to heart and love ,this principle held good .
So she told Leelamma.”Dear,do you think it is easy to bring him back from that other woman .It is not .It is not as if I have denied him of any thing .But he has, a wandering eye .So he is gone for good .But ,one day he would realize the folly he has created .But then it would be too late .” That was all what she said .But Leelamma understood the interior meaning of her words .She really admired Gouri amma .She had guts
All that had happened twenty years back .At that time Gouri amma was just forty years old and her son Shankar was just six years old .She did not have any proper education to go for a white collar job. Neither did he have a family background to lean on to .All she had was a father who was neck deep in debts and problems. He was living out of the meager amounts she had managed to sent to him with out Mahadevan‘s knowledge .Her marriage to Mahadevan was also a calamity .It was an arrangement between her father and him to relieve her father off some of his debts .At that time Mahadevan‘s roving eye was fixed on Gouriamma ….She knew it well .But she thought she would be able to rectify him by and by .She failed miserably and that was how she turned very philosophical towards life. The house too was a part of her share, which came along with her to Mahadevan .But fortunately that house was still in her name.
Gouri amma was just relaxing with the comfortable life style that destiny had offered her .Yes she had a fine family .Although they were not very rich , they were comfortable .Her husband was a farmer .They had little ground behind their house .That land had been transformed in to a vegetable garden where they had all the necessary vegetables ,as well as some excess .Mahadevan at times went to work for other rich farmers too .Money was a problem then .But Gouri amma saw to it that they had an even life style most often. It was then that the catastrophe occurred in the form of a female form called Malathi .She had a bought a house near to Mahadevan‘s
Even from the outset ,Gouri amma smelt rat ,with the outrageous ways she mingled with all and sundry .But it was Mahadevan ,who had caught her fancy .May be he was her personified example of male looks…what ever it was ,it didn’t take much time for Mahadevan‘s roving eye to get locked at Malathi‘s form .
Once Gouri amma caught them red handed … That evening she confronted him. “What is it that you are having with that next door bitch?’ An enraged, Gouri amma lashed out .There wasn‘t any control over her verbal out pour!!”What do you mean”? Was all that Mahadevan could speak out as an excuse .How could he hold good, when she had already seen him.
Now sitting alone in a miserable hut with poor vision and a lot of rheumatic pains, Gouri amma did not regret any of her out bursts twenty years back.
She had just asked her husband to walk out of that house .Because she had every right to do so .But little did she realize then that a house becomes a home only if there is a lot of happiness present . Every ounce of happiness had gone out of her house that day .Because Mahadevan was only too happy to leave her .He was enamored by his new found love in Malathi .She had no encumbrance what so ever……
At sixty,Gouriamma was a total failure .She had lost her sanity and reason for living ,when she found her husband cheating on her . From that day onwards, she vested all her interest in her son Shankar .But he was worse than his father in the matters of heart was concerned .Gouri amma had to sweat and toil a lot to make both ends meet .But she never lost her self-respect.
Shankar grew up to be almost like his father .He flirted with all the girls around there .But he was a good boy other wise .Every one had some use or the other of him. Gouri amma found it hard to control her son’s ways .She was lost lonely and hence sick.
One day she called her son to her side and said “Shankar ,I have a feeling that I am forgetting things faster than what is normal .I can’t rest my thoughts on any particular thing for long .I think my health is faltering .”She stopped to see some kind of empathy coming from her son .But found none .Still she continued.”I am afraid for us especially for you .What would happen if I fell sick or died all of a sudden.” Shankar turned towards his mother .Yes his mother was right .she was indeed showing signs of falling apart .May be her single handed management and the lack of love and affection in her life was paying off .Poor mother .He was now 18.Man enough!!! So why should he depend on his mother for any thing and every thing .It is high time he started to be the bread winner of the family.
So he said in a voice full of remorse “Amma, I can see that you are sick .But it is all my fault that I did not look after you well .I was too occupied with my way of living. I am sorry, amma .From tomorrow onwards you don’t go out to work .You are old and sick .I shall look after you .”Shankaran‘s words were like honey to Gouri amma.
Shankar was already working as a plumber then .But he was never parting with his money .He was very fastidious as far as money matters were concerned .But now he realized that his mother was always looking after his affairs ,even by discarding her health .Now he decided to turn the course of the wind .But he had an ambition .An ambition to become rich as fast as possible .He was also impatient about it .But he told none about his ambition .He knew he would find a way to get rich fast enough .
Age and lack of love and hard work to make both ends meet had made Gouri amma very sick and an unhappy person .She showed traces of dementia – a state of forgetfulness. She was also having a partial blindness. It was all the out come of her disinterest to life . She was cursing all and sundry always ….Still she pined her hope ,if at all one could call it hope ,on her son Shankar …She wanted him to grow to be a very enterprising and good young man .She had wanted him to marry too .But he was all against the institution of marriage .If at all Gouri amma confronted him with that request ,he would lash back “what did you gain by marriage ?didn’t you dessert him at a time ,when I wanted him the most .?No amma I am not trying to blame you .It was not your fault that you deserted him .Yes I know that .I was just trying to pin point a fact .That is all “ Gouri amma was fed up of hearing the same point .So she decided to leave that issue at that .But that was also another reason for her sickness.

Shankar used to go away from house for long intervals. So once, when he was away from house for a fortnight ,Gouri amma did not see any thing amiss .But she was getting tenacious and jittery .That showed on her behaviour towards any one who happened to help her …”Don’t you ever take me for a incapacitated person .I can manage very well on my own “was her crisp reply
One day after a long pause, shankar came home in the middle of night and woke her up “Amma .amma ...Wake up ...”Gouri amma fumbled towards the door and opened it.”Hey son what is the mater .Even my poor eye sight can sense that you are tired and emaciated .Where were you all these days..?She was frantic.”Amma .just don’t worry .I had some important work to accomplish .Now I am here. But I have to go away for a period .Now give me some food .I am very hungry ‘.
Gouri amma was wondering what he was up to, to have such a busy schedule .But she told him nothing .She just served him his food and went about her way …In between his food ,he called to his mother and said “amma ,now listen carefully .I have kept some important documents and some valuables in a box here. After I come back we can use it .You know, amma, this is the one opportunity I was waiting for.”He stopped .He looked very elated .Gouri amma was still very apprehensive.”But what is it that you have kept here that is so very important? And when are you coming back for it? Are you going to be away for long?” She was starting to get very jittery .For all said and done; she was not willing to be away from her son for long, however bad he was …”I will be gone for a week that is all. “ That was his curt reply………..
That incident happened 3years back .Gouri amma was still waiting .Waiting for that affluent life with her son, which he had promised her…But now she was an old dejected and morose woman .Life had given her just brick bats .She took it all in her stride with a pinch of salt .But the abstinence of her son had deflated her to such an extent ,that she was loosing her will to live …
It was then that Chandru entered her life .He was a boy almost as old her son ,may be an year or two younger .He was running a work shop just opposite her hut .He was not actually the owner of that work shop .But he had some important position there . The owner of that workshop liked him very much because he was a sincere worker.
Chandru used to watch the old lady across the street when ever he got free time .Some uncanny affinity was developing between him and her , even though he had not spoken even once with her . He did not know what name he had wanted to give that relation ship .But one thing he was sure .He wanted to help her .She looked lonely ,lost and tired to his scrutinizing eyes .
So one after noon, when there was not much work in the work shop, he crossed the road and went to Gouriamma‘s hut .The door was ajar .So he went to the door and peered in. There she was lying in the raw ground with her hands fumbling for some thing .Then he realized to his despondency that she was partially blind .”Oh God!!What a pitiable condition she was in .There were a few houses near by .Then how is that she was left alone to pent for herself.
“Amma”.He called softly.”Shankara” are you Home?.It was a Cry, rather than a statement .An anguished cry of a waiting mother.!Chandru did not know what to do or say .He said softly at last ..”No madam. I am a work shop boy .I have my shop just opposite this hut .I came for a glass of water .There is no water in our tap today .”He wondered why he lied to her .His addressing her as amma had set her tired brain working .But he did not want that to happen to her again .So he called her madam .
Gouri amma got up and started to cry.”I can’t find my way properly. Still if you wait for a while I shall get you a glass of water .My eye sight is poor .So it would take a few minutes.”She said thus and went slowly towards the kitchen.”Ok I shall wait “Chandru replied .Because now he was curious .
When she came back with the glass of water, he took it from her hand and made her sit near him .”Madam. I am Chandru .Why did you mistake me for your son .Is he away since long “.”Yes, my dear .He had promised to come back with in a week .And that was three long years ago .I have no one other than him .I don’t want to bore you with all the excruciating happenings in my miserable life ..But I am now the living example of all the bad things that has happened to me.” She gave a sigh and stopped..Chandru was feeling very emphatic towards her .He wanted to some how help her .Because bad tidings were not a new thing to him too. So Chandru sat with her and consoled her by saying “Madam, if you let go off your swelled up emotions, you would feel relieved. I am also a victim of so many misfortunes ,even at this young age .So go ahead tell me your story .I am so very eager to hear it .”Chandru searched her face for some emotions .But all what he found there was a kind of bitterness .He was sure that once she was a beauty .But so many worry lines and poor health had marred all her good looks …she was just a remnant of the old glory that had turned very bitter and sour .
Gouri amma opened her eyes wide and peered into Chandru‘s face .Her vision was fading .still she was able to make out an out line of Chandru‘s face ,She said “why are you feeling so concerned ,son .Had it been some one else ,who had asked me this question ,I would have immediately shown him to the door .But not you …You remind me of my son .Yes he was almost your age when he went away from here” . She stopped as she was feeling choked .Shankar or rather his thought had become a permanent lump in her throat .
Chandru went back to his work shop that day .But he was not able to concentrate on his work .His thoughts went back to that lonely lady staying across him .Some where back of his mind he felt that he had to help her .Why did he feel that ?He himself did not know that ……….
That day he went back to his house with a heavy heart .Because he knew that the old lady would be all alone there with out proper food or company.
Chandru lived with his sick mother .She had a perennial cough ,which refused to leave her however hard they tried .Infact half of Chandru‘s earnings went for her medication .Chandru and his mother were quite well of some time back .His father was a miserly man who worked hard for his family .But he was afraid of every thing .He felt that his money was never ever safe .He didn’t believe in banking or any such kinds of money keeping systems .He felt happy only if it was under lock and key in his own house .He was a clerk by profession .But during his free times as well as on holidays he did so many errand jobs and made money .The present work shop in which Chandru was working too was a result of his dad’s employment there once .The manger of the Work shop had hired Chandru‘s dad as a part time worker ,solely due to the fact that he was a very enterprising hard worker . Chandru got that job when his dad died of heart attack a few years back.
Chandru‘s life had been a bundle of grief. Because his mother lost her mental equilibrium, when her husband died unexpectedly. The reason why he died was because his hard earned bundles of currency notes were stolen .The theft was well crafted and so the police were not able to bring forth a good result .
Besides Chandru‘s father did not live long to follow up that case .After his demise,Chandru and mother were literally paupers .It was due to Chandru‘s good nature and positive thinking that he was able to convince the work shop owner of his mettle .And he was indeed a very good asset to that work shop. A kind of good Omen.
Next day morning he took leave from his work shop and went to Gouriamma‘s hut .She was very sick and was hungry too.”Madam, I am Chandru here.” He announced as soon as he reached her side .Are you not feeling well “? “I am never well ,my son“was her despondent reply .But she sat up more enthusiastically .Because she was ,in a strange way, connecting Chandru with Shankar .To her sick and semi conscience mind every thing was in a jumble .She was loosing her sanity .But she was aware of a person’s kindness to her .Chandru sat with her and talked about a lot of things .How his father died of a broken heart man and how sick his mother was .”You know Madam .I was very much interested in studies .But what t o do .My state of affairs brought me to this work shop .Now with the little amount I get ,I am able to look after my mother .But I wonder how long she would survive .She is forever coughing .”Chandru was woebegone .Gouri amma sensed her son’s presence then in Chandru .A kind of serenity came on to her She said lovingly to him “Chandru ..you can call me amma, just like the way you first addressed .I had mistook you for my son .But still for a moment I captured that moment of happiness through you .I am happy .My son may or may not come back .I have-not given up hope .But for the time being you are my Shankar .I feel it in my guts .”Gouri amma went on and on about her Shankar .Time stood still for her .She did not want to loose the magic of that moment .Chandru sat there unperturbed. Gouri Amma ended her volley of words thus.”Chandru .I wish I could help you .But I am so help less. The sole property I have is this house .It is in my son’s name now .I had written it off in his name, some years back .Other wise I could have done some thing for you “No Amma .your affection is more important .Some how I feel very close to you. I will make another suggestion instead .Why don’t you come and stay with my mother and me in our house .There you would have a company in my mother .Andshe too would feel happy “
“No Chandru ..I am not moving out of here. I have a reason for being so.”She stopped then .She was thinking whether she should tell Chandru about the important documents Shankar had left there. She had given him her word of honour that she would keep it all safe till he came back to retrieve it .
Chandru did not press her further .
Then as if on second thoughts Gouri Amma got up and wobbled on to a dilapidated looking box near her .She opened it and fumbled inside for a moment and took out a cover .It was an envelope grown yellow with years .From it she took out a piece of paper .It was a stamped paper. “Chandru ..take it “ and read the matter in it .”She extended the paper to him .She was in a trance .Chandru took the paper from her emaciated hands and read it .In it was suggested that she be buried in the same house when she died .It was approved too by the authorities concerned . Chandru re read it..And when he looked up ,there were tears welled up in his eyes .OH GOD !!she was not loosing hope .May be she wanted to guard her son’s documents even after her death. The wait was not going to end. Chandru was not able to control his tears now .He let it fall freely .Then finally he got up and went to sit near her .Then he did some thing which he had not done since his baby years .He hugged her ,holding her close and cradling her head in his arms as if she was a baby .Then Gouri Amma started to cry .Unending flow of all her hidden and suppressed emotions .He let her cry for awhile .Then soothed her .Chandru got up and went to the kitchen and made a hot black coffee for both of them .They both sat there looking in to nothing while sipping the coffee. The moment was pregnant with so many untold emotions .
Dusk was setting in. It was time for Chandru to go home .But he did not want to leave Gouri Amma there .So he asked her “Amma .shall I bring my mother here .We shall all sleep here tonight “?”No ,Son ..I am used to this loneliness .But your mother may find it inconvenient to sleep away from her usual surroundings.”
So Chandru went out and got her some food and then sat with her for some more time before he set off to his house .He was walking home with a heavy heart …
Next day was a Sunday .So he did not have to go to the workshop .So he decided he would take his mother to Gouri Amma’s house and spend the day there. He suggested it all to his mother and his mother obliged happily .After all she was also anxious to meet Gouri Amma .
So by 10 ‘0‘ clock they prepared some break fast and set off to Gouri Amma’s house . On reaching there they found a crowd gathered around there .A lightning flashed across his heart then .Oh no “ he screamed ,when he ran towards Gouriamma`s house .He rushed through the small crowd in to her room .There she was lying dead on the floor with a copy of the same paper she had given to Chandru,close to her heart .Even in death she looked determined .
Just as she wished ,she was cremated in the bedroom of that house .The room where she had spent most of her miserable life .No one raised any objection .Because that was the only tribute and respect they could pay her .A pit six feet long and a few feet broad was dug .Chandru did the last rites and laid her to her final rest in that house ..
Then Chandru called for one pick up van and loaded the mud that gathered up after digging the pit in to it .He cleaned up that room well and placed some jasmine flowers there on her grave .Tomorrow he would come back to make a monument for her ,he decided .He said a silent prayer and closed the hut and got in to the pick up van and took the entire mud to his house ..
The entire mud was unloaded in to his courtyard and then while he was rummaging and spreading the mud on the ground ,Chandru ‘s hands struck on small paper a bundle ..He took it out and looked. It was shabby cloth bundle .Slowly he took it in to his house and opened it. To his surprise there was a plastic bag in it containing a few bundles of thousand rupee notes. An amount that Chandru would not have been able to make even if he had worked for a whole lifetime .It was as if Gouri Amma Had welcomed death to help him….
But little did Chandru know that it was the same money that His dear dead father had kept safely in his cupboard and which Shankar had looted cleverly….!!!“

                                                                               by sheela
*

THE VISION

It was an early summer night .Dileep did not feel like sleeping .For some unknown reason sleep was evading him. So he slowly got out from his bed and went and stood near the open terrace .Through the window he peered at the smiling moon .Yes he felt as if the Moon was smiling at him .``How silly``. He told to himself .``Will the moon smile?” .But there were ever so many poems written in all languages about the beauty and the ex-pressions of moon. So what is wrong if he felt that the moon was smiling at him?

He was wondering why he was experiencing such strange incidents. Yes he was seeing visions in atmosphere. Where ever he looked he could clearly see a face .From any thing and every thing he was able to form a face that was always the same image .Yes it was the face of a woman .A woman with a deep and soulful pair of eyes. He could make out the disheveled hair as well as a sad looking ex-pression .Although the vision was not so clear .It was definite .At times he felt very restless .But at other times he really felt that it was God’s own way of trying to relate to him about something he had overlooked or have not delved in to yet.

Dileep was a lecturer in English in a men’s college in that city .He was a very soft-spoken person and a favorite amongst the students .He had a way with the children.thre was seldom any complaints lodged against him .every one loved Dileep. He made the atmosphere a better one with his presence . One day his friend and co worker  Radhakrishnan asked him “Hey Dileep what is it that you have that we don’t have .?”:What is the matter with me’’ was Dileep`s astounded query .He did not understand what his friend was implying .So Radha Krishnan  got a little more detailed.” I was telling about your hold in the college .I know you had won every one’s heart .But all said and done , you do deserve  all the adulations that we  as well as all the students are showering on you .It is not always that one get to know a good person like you …”With  such exemplary words Radhaa Krishnan paused for  more words…Yes that was how it was with the world..Dileep was the apple of everyone’s eye.

               But he was a loner  who craved for  some love ..There wasn’t anyone in this world whom he could  call as his own. Because he was an orphan .Once he asked his foster father ,Father Kuncheria,about his birth and also how he chanced  to get him .That was many years ago..Dileep was just a college boy then .So Kuncheria did not elaborate on any matters relating to his parents .But he said just his much” Son, I got you from the  road, near a gutter. you were sitting there crying .You were just about  four years then .’With that words ,father  tried to walk away from him .But Dileep, although too young to find a double meaning or depth on those words, could still feel that father was trying to evade some truth  about his origin and his adoption …Somehow he felt it in his gut that Kuncheria was not telling him the truth ..But he left it at that .he did not want o anger him .He was his world now .The only elation he had in this wide world.

Years rolled by with the subject about his mother or origin ever getting uttered or discussed.

Dileep grew up to be a post graduate .He was awarded with a job in the same college where he had finished his post graduation .He was lucky in that sense ….

Dileep had one private hobby .Private, because he never said about it to anyone other than Kuncheria.Painting…That was his favorite pastime. .He was so fascinated by the beauty of the nature that he was  able to absorb the entire beauty in to his canvas.

It was on such a painting session that he started seeing an image amongst the foliages and branches . He could even make out the same face –a face of a lady, with sad eyes and soulful look---Wherever he scrutinized for a moment ..It was out of nothing that the image appeared .Sometimes Dileep was apprehensive ..”What was happening to me”he often wondered .May be it was his loneliness getting better of him ..or was he going out of his senses ..Oh God !please don't let anything happen to my senses” He often prayed to ..Because  for all said and done ,he enjoyed life .He believed  that he was sent to earth on a purpose .Yes everyone was sent to earth on a purpose by some supernatural power  we called as God ..So according to Dileep, it was the duty of every human being to fulfill that purpose before going away forever. That was what was termed as natural death. But loosing one's sanity is some thing he never foresaw .So he was apprehensive of such a state of mind.

But this time Dileep was certain that he was not loosing any senses .He was clearly drawing out a face from all the objects present in the vicinity. Strangest part of it was that every time he made out a face from the atmosphere, it was always the same face ..That was what was surprising

Dileep spoke about his strange visions to his dear mentor Kuncheria.It was one evening after the prayer session .The small and not so small children gathered around the chapel for a talk with Kuncheria.it was an usual routine of that charity home.Kuncheria believed in the strange contacts with one and all around him there .The children were never made to believe that they were orphans .Often he told them that they were the real children of God. That was why God took care of them through him. Because a father of the church was in effect the messenger of God …

Dileep waited patiently for the session to get over .Then he slowly went to Kuncheria. Dileep was in two minds as to whether to tell him or not. `will he think that I was insane `? or would he just leave it as if it was an illusion that relayed nothing .A kind of virtual and wishful deja vu..any way  Dileep decided  to discuss it with father …

Kuncheria was walking away from him to his room .So Dileep ran behind him and called out to him `Father...”He called ..”Please wait a moment..I want to tell you some thing very strange  ...” Hearing the word Strange “Kuncheria looked surprised..” Dileep spoke about his strange visions to his dear mentor Kuncheria.

“What did you say Dileep..What was the strange occurrence that you kept to yourself all these time”? Kuncheria did not hide his surprise.”Father...”Dileep was panting from his quick steps.”Please come in to my room .I want to tell you some thing.” “Ok.” father replied and they both walked towards Kuncheria`s room .As soon as he entered Dileep blurted out his strange visions  ...”So in effect wherever I look or what ever I do, I am seeing the same face. I wonder whether there is any hidden message that some unknown force is trying to tell me or show me …”Dileep concluded .Kuncheria was flabbergasted .He sat in a very pensive mood for some time .Then he slowly told Dileep”Son..i wonder whether  it is time for me to tell you the truth about your parents ….”Dileep looked up suddenly” what did you say, father?. why..?Haven’t you told me about it already?...  

                       Dileep was anxious and looked on imploringly …Kuncheria sat still for a moment as if he was uncertain..then as if on cue ,he asked Dileep to show him in drawing the image that he is seeing on atmosphere ….With that father walked away from him ..

Dileep was not able to sleep that night …Father Kuncheria had told him some thing that was gnawing at his heart .What was there to tell about his parents ..As if he had not told me the truth or the complete truth …He turned and twisted in his bed ..Then he slowly got up and went to the window. There was lovely full moon beaming at him from the sky. How beautiful the night looked .Star studded beauty. That was how he saw the sky .It looked as good and decorated as a bride .Then suddenly he started seeing those outlines .The outlines of his vision next to the moon..It was looking down up on him .He formed it from nothing, a kind of dark circle outlined it .When he blinked his eyes once,the vision disappeared for a moment .But appeared as soon as he stared .The moon looked as if it was giving it a clearer form …Dileep ran to his table and took a blank paper and a pencil. Then he again stared in to the place where he saw the vision of that lady…How was it possible to form a face..And that too the same face over and over again .Is there some thing called supernatural force? Dileep was starting to  get frightened ..But he had to delve deep in to this matter .

So he sketched out whatever he saw there vividly .Then he shadowed it and made it look real .The outcome was astounding .It was the face of a woman with large eyes .There was  such a depth in those eyes that ,it looked as if it would move and blink .so lively were those  eyes Tthe face was striking although not beautiful .

A stern face of a sad looking woman .Dileep felt a kind different wave of emotion passing through him  ….He went to the fridge and took a glass of water and drank it .He felt that he had enough for that night .Even other wise it was late in to the night .2`o` clock!!!What an unearthly hour to be awake, with an illusion!!! Dileep went to bed and tried to sleep

.

He woke up hearing the church bell. He looked at the time piece near him .5`o`clock!!So that meant he had slept for 3 hours .That was better than not sleeping at all .He got up and went straight to father’s room .Kuncheria was having a steaming  cup of tea.” Good morning,son..Did you sleep well”? Kuncheria tried to make light of the situation  that was prominent between them .”Good morning father..Here is the sketch of the illusion I see on the atmosphere  ...” Saying thus he showed the paper  to Kuncheria. Kuncheria looked at that image for a long time .then slowly he raised his eyes .and looked at Dileep,as if he was seeing him for the first time ….Then he got up from his chair and came and stood near Dileep .And with some difficulty he chose the words he was about to utter “Dileep I don't know whether I am doing the right thing .But I feel ,I have to tell you this …now .Because the picture you have shown me has a strong resemblance to your mother !!”with that Kuncheria looked straight at Dileep…..The time stood still .There wasn’t a single sound from either of them .Kuncheria was waiting and so was silent .Then Kuncheria told him the  real truth about how he got him.”Dileep ,your mother brought you to me ,when you were just  two years old ..It was rainy night and all were asleep early .But I was not .I was reading a book. it was then I heard the anguished cry or rather a call of a woman .She said nothing .but gave her child to me and said “father I am giving my son to you .so that at least he would get a better life .please do take are of him .”With those words she ran in to the rain and disappeared in to the darkness

.Dileep was astounded and hence was not able to speak …Slowly his eyes began to well up …and he choked “father but how come I got these illusions ?I don't at all remember ever seeing her “”How can you ,son” you were just two years old when she gave you to me “But some unknown force is calling .May be she is yearning for you .May be it is that motherly instinct in her  that is doing all this magical work .Yes ,Dileep ,there are so many untold facts there out there .We are just puppets of that force .Just flow with the tide ..” Kuncheria stopped his volley of words and looked up and he held Dileep close to his heart for a moment. Then with out looking back he walked away from Dileep …

Days and weeks passed by with nothing significant happening about that incident .Dileep stopped his private hobby completely. He wanted to paint nothing .A kind of disinterest dawned on him whenever he took his brush and paint .If at all he brought himself to paint something with an added effort, then the image of that lady ,his mother  came alive in front of his eyes. Many times he asked Father about it .But Kuncheria was certain that it was the face of his mother .Because it was seldom that a mother would walk up to him with her own newborn and then ask him to adopt him .Because she was a destitute. From one angle Kuncheria was able to justify her actions .May be she wanted her son to be happy and healthy and secure ,even if he was kept away from her .Even if she would never find her again .Because  that was the custom of that orphanage .The children, when once given for adoption ,would loose all  touch with the person ,who had given the child there .Even if it was  the child’s parent .Because  the moment it was absorbed  to the orphanage ,it looses the relation ship with the outer world .It would be the  manager of the orphanage  who would decide ,where the child should belong to …But in Dileep`s case  it was different .It was his own mother who had brought the  child to the orphanage .Kuncheria was surprised and angry at the same time but he showed no ill will because he was able to view the entire incident  from another angle .A desperate mother `s anxiety to bring up her child well. It was a kind of sacrifice.

It was quite accidentally that a puppy was stranded at his door step on a rainy day .The puppy looked so pathetic and cold .It was wailing uncontrollably .Dileep felt a kind of empathy for that puppy .He saw himself when he looked at that puppy .It was also destitute. Probably, it`s mother too might have kept him here to be looked after well .

With these thoughts he took the puppy in his hands and went out to stroll  in the street .It was the wee hours of the morning and  that part of the village was asleep. But Dileep was in a mood to walk through the rain .So he put on his rain suit and an umbrella and went out with the puppy .Soon the puppy began to wail. On hearing the cry ,A young girl came running from the other side of his house ..”Sir...Is this house yours?” she asked ..We stay just behind your house .There ,near that big building.”Dileep stretched himself to look at the place she pointed to. There was a long building with many windows and doors.”What is that “? He asked “It is an ashram for the poor. This puppy belongs to our madam .I work there .It ran away from my hands while I was trying to lock it inside the room.”She stopped and extended her hands for the puppy .It was the first time that Dileep was seeing such a house  there .May be he had never ever noticed it .But he felt it as a very strange thing .He boasted himself to be very observant .Then how did he miss this dilapidated looking building …He went with the little girl to that place .Not because he had wanted to deliver the puppy personally to the madam there .Just out of some curiosity. Because this was a place which was so near to his house .Still he needed a puppy and a little girl to show him it was there .Strange-..very strange indeed….!!Any way he decided to see the madam .The little girl asked him in and said “Sir are you sure  you want to see our madam .She is not a very happy person .She is always sad and so very angry .we seldom converse with her .”Dileep grew more curious ..”Why do you say so? She is the madam of this place .isn’t it? Then it is but natural that she would show her airs around. Other wise you people won’t obey her.”Dileep`s Justification did not hold good for a long time .Because the girl told him that  she was not actually the madam of that place “Sir ,,we call her madam because she is quite old -Nearly sixty years ..She is the senior most here .This institution is run by another management .We are all just inmates .The management is not all that concerned about all of us .”She sighed.” we are lucky if we are able to get a square meal a day .I work here three days a week .Actually I am not an inmate here. But I have a lot of sympathy for all the inmates here .”The girl was too precocious for her age .That was the thought that swept past Dileep on listening to her ….Any way  he decided to pay the` madam` a visit .If possible he had wanted contribute a certain amount  to that charity home .Because he knew best ,what it is to be a destitute..

The girl took him inside and went to a dark and dingy  room and called “MadamSaraswathyAmma,here is a gentleman  who wishes to see you .Actually he had found your puppy  .Here it is ’’ girl stopped and Saraswathy Amma slowly got up and turned to face Dileep .Dileep was dumbfounded. He was not able to believe his eyes .My God..What Am I seeing..He was looking straight in to the live replica of that vision he saw often-The woman with the soulful eyes and disheveled hair-.The woman who had almost always  occupied the entire thought process of his …And what was it that Kuncheria had told him on seeing his sketch. That it was the image of his mother .So..was this Saraswathy amma his mother????Dileep felt his head swirling …He did not know what to do or say..Saraswathyamma looked…She was also a bit surprised at seeing Dileep`s dilemma. She gave him a wan smile and then closed her eyes .Looked as if she was mediating .

                          Dileep mustered up all his will power and asked her “Madam,.why are you so sad .I feel as if you are trying to cover up a lot misery .Is there some thing you want tell, but does not have the will power to say it .”Dileep was trying to extract the truth or at least that is what he felt .But Saraswathy amma disappointed him when she said that she had nothing to hide .She told him that she was born a destitute and was living thus.”You know son it was by some quirk of fate that I chanced to land up here .For that I am thank full to God .Because however measly it is here ,I am safe ..I do have some company too in these girls  ...”She concluded .But Dileep was tenacious .How could he leave her just like that .She was the image he had found amongst the atmosphere .She cannot be any one other than his mother .Kuncheria too had confirmed about her looks .So he went on “Madam .Didn’t you ever have a family .I mean,a son or a daughter or a husband?””No, I had no one “She was stern and looked final.

Dileep bid them goodbye and went out of that room .He knew there was no use trying to make her tell those facts which he wanted to hear. But on second thoughts, he felt that it was all a kind of virtual reality. May she was indeed a destitute, with no family .But something prompted him to take up that matter seriously.

Dileep went straight to Father Kuncheria and told him the entire incident .He was out of birth by the time he finished ..Father listened ardently and then said to him.”Dileep,I have a picture of you as you looked when your mother brought you here .I shall take it with me and visit that lady .She must be trying to evade the truth .

Next day they both went to that orphanage .Kuncheria had a picture of baby Dileep with him. He felt a kind of relief setting in .He foresaw a reunion. It was inevitable……..

 The charity home where Saraswathy amma stayed was so dilapidated that, one felt so sympathetic. On reaching the entrance they saw the same little girl sitting there reading a book. Dileep went to her and asked her to take him and Kuncheria to the madam.
Saraswathy amma was reading a book in the dimly lit room. “Madam”Dileep called. Here is person to see you .It seems he knows you .”Dileep waited for any reaction from her .Nothing happened..Kuncheria was standing there transfixed .Even after so many years, he remembered well that face .A mother who was discarding her only child at his door step. How can one ever forget that anguished face .Kuncheria went near her and called “Saraswathy amma ‘Do you remember ever having seen me?try to remember .You had come to my door step with a four year old baby …”Nooooooooo!she screamed ..it was not me ..You are highly mistaken, father..I never had a child.”But her eyes kept wavering..Kuncheria was certain now .So he took out that picture of baby Dileep from his pocket and showed it to her.”Now tell me dear, Don’t you remember this face? Saraswathy amma looked once at that picture and started sobbing inconsolably ….”I am sinner..Yes …I gave away my own flesh and blood to the charity..But father, I had Wanted the best for my son .That was why …now..Wait..Why are showing me all these? What has happened/how did you both find me ? what made you show me this picture ….Remember  father, I am the most unfortunate of all the mothers alive .See what  God has given me for my sin ..I am a wretched woman with measly means …But what of my son father. Tell me father what has happened?”‘ There was no stopping Saraswathy.Her motherly instincts had never left her .Even in those adverse situations ,she had wanted only the verybest for her son..

Tears ran freely down her cheeks..Those sunken eyes had the same sparkle although it was hidden behind so many worries…Dileep was watching all those emotion laden scenes …He said nothing .It was not appropriate to say for or against anyone .He just looked on ……….

Kuncheria went to Saraswathyamma`s side and took her hands .Then he slowly brought her to Dileep`s side .Saraswathyamma stopped her sobbing and looked imploringly at Kuncheria.``Dear ,Do you see this young man here ?”Kuncheria was speaking to her as if she was a child.”Yes father what of him?”. ’Saraswathy amma was finding it hard to speak…``He is none other than your son Dileep.It was he who found you” .Kuncheria left the sentence in the middle and slowly moved away ..

That old woman `s face began to bloom as if that of a teenager .She started smothering Dileep with kisses …It was a heart renting scene. No words were able to make up for that touching scene.

Dileep came to his senses first .He disentangled from her embrace and took her across the long corridor towards his house ..Kuncheria wiped his eyes off that threatening tear…He was happy ..

On the way towards his house Saraswathyamma asked her son  ...”My dear, how did you find me ..You were too small to have even remembered my existence .Then how come you found me ?”``Mother ‘Dileep said “It is a long and strange story .I shall tell you about it all some other time ..

Thus saying he walked happily  ,holding his VISION in his arms……

                                                                                                                                By Sheela

                                                                                  ******

first love is the best love .Only very few are lucky enough to consummate their first love in wed lock .but even if they don`t get to ful fill their first love ,it doesnot mean that that Love would fade away .No it would never ever vanish .It would remain as a sweet sensuous pain deep with in us .Probably we might even forget It`s existence in our being....but that would surf when we are all by ourselves...like a misty music that remains unsung ..It would carve in to our soul and senses...yes it would be a kind of ache that needs tending ..
so friends lucky are those who can be with their first love foreve and ever

FEATHER TOUCH

Rajesh would have been a handsome man had he not been physically deformed due to a major accident. Yes he had wide and expressive eyes and a beautiful smile with a firm look. But not now ..Now he was just a semblance of human look on his face .His eyes were the only organ that escaped a fire mishap that occurred due to a slight carelessness of his mother..
When any one asked him about that incident, all he would say is that “my mother was lucky .she till looks the same “nothing else .so no one was able to find out whether his mind was full of remorse or venom…some came to the conclusion that he was a recluse all because of his appearance .It was hideous from one angle and pathetic from another .Rajesh bore it all in his stride .Because he was afraid to kill himself!!!
Rajesh was a very intelligent man ...He had inherited that too along with his bad luck .His mother was a symbol of strength for him when ever he would feel down and out ..Now she was no more thus. She was always complaining and cursing..Some thing happened to her mental state after that incident.. ..That was the main worry for that poor young man..Whenever he was not thinking about his bad looks, he would curse his fate that landed him with that hideous appearance. And an indifferent mother
It was a rainy day and mother was busy making some food in the kitchen...it was then she called to him “Raja…what will I do now as the gas is over and the delivery man has not yet brought the second cylinder ...See,I had asked you ever so many times to go and enquire …as usual you have forgotten it this time too” Now she would not stop ..Rajesh knew that .yes...he was at fault .because it was his mistake that he had not enquired. so he went in to the kitchen and mother was fuming there with anticipation of some thing unknown “I know you had told me that .amma ..However, I forgot about it in my tension in the bank .there was some kind of embezzlement there and we were all questioned. I was completely in that thought process ...””Now don’t tell me some lame excuses to support your absent mindedness..Now a days I have seen that you are more of a recluse than an active person, it is high time you decided what you want to do with life..Mother was talking to him as if it was because of his mistakes that he was a recluse..
Nevertheless, it was not so. She knew it too .but being his mother she was trying her maximum to divert him from that bitter facts..Yes, they were indeed so bitter that she was not at all in a state of mind to relive it all. That was the cursed day that had changed her son’s life for ever..
That day was a Tuesday..It started off as any other day..by 10 ‘o’clock in the morning Janaki realized that she had run short of gas .and they were having some guests too for lunch as Rajesh had got a job in the bank to celebrate the occasion, Rajesh had called some of his close friends for lunch .theirs was not a very affluent family .Infact janaki was finding it very difficult to run the house with the meager salary she used to get from her small time office assistant job in a private firm ..So Rajesh ‘s job was welcome change in to their family. They had so many loans to deal with and so many hand loans too .Rajesh was a handsome young man, with an equally good habits and nature .Janaki often blessed her stars for gifting him to her..but that day changed every thing for both of them..
Janaki called out to Rajesh in despair.”Rajesh..What shall we do now..We have run out of gas ..and I don’t have spare one either ..i think we better take out that old pressure stove …” ok mom’ was Rajesh’s prompt reply ..While he was in the process of taking out the stove from the top shelf, he asked his mother “mom, are you sure you would be able to prepare all the dishes with the help of this stove alone ..?’ no raja .i would have to light up the fire woods too .not that there are a lot of that here. But I shall do with that for the time being..Just don’t worry son..You just get that stove well pumped and oiled. Then rest assured..ok? “Rajesh was happy that his mother was positive about the impending lunch ..Because it was not often that she ever complained about any thing. That was also another reason why she was able to see them through all the turbulent situations …
The pressure stove was quite dusty and unused...Still Rajesh cleaned it well and filled it with the available kerosene..And he started to pump pressure in to it ..After a few strokes he felt that was enough and so he lit the wick. After a few minutes the flame started to dwindle..He was wondering what ever was the matter with the stove .so to make things go smoother and faster .He started pumping pressure in to it The flame slicked once, then started to grow up..But the next thing that occurred was unforeseen...That was doom in all its glory .the stove exploded with a huge sound..Probably the stove was not able to take so much pressure or may be it was the unused state of it that was playing the cruel game..What ever it was, the flame that shot up consumed the entire face of Rajesh...He was bent up on the stove when disaster struck ..The flame shot up and caught Raja on his face..He remembered just a shout that escaped his throat …Then he lost conscience…
Later he found out that he was in a hospital...And he was disfigured... …
Rajesh broke from his miserable reverie and started on his daily chores..
Always he wished he had a woman with him pending to all his needs.. More over he was in an age when every man yearned for the company of a young woman..a woman ,whom he could love and care for and who in return would love him and make him happy …but Rajesh neither had that pleasure nor a hope ..”Oh God, he often mused ..why did I survive that mishap.. Is it to suffer alone?
That day he reached his office early and there was a lady sitting at the corner bench..she was so pretty that Rajesh was unable to take his eyes off her ..She was so innocent looking too at the same time ..But she was not at all paying him any heed..she behaved as if he did not even exist ..But since Rajesh was the first to arrive at the bank, he had an advantage of approaching her for enquiring..She slowly got up and said in a sweet voice “Sir ,I am new to this place ..i would like to start an account in this bank .I am also an employee. I am a school teacher ...”
With that she looked searchingly at his face..Hoping to get a positive answer…Rajesh was so struck by her physical beauty that he found it hard to speak for a moment. but when he found his voice ,it was quivering …she just smiled at him and moved to the next counter with a kind of sympathetic look …God she must have thought that he was a spastic…Rajesh smiled at his own foolhardiness .This was all due to his craving for a woman’s company ..he was used to so much adulations from the female crowd not so long ago..But now since his mishap, the world had reduced to a dull and lack luster existence..How much he craved for a female company...Why was god so callous to him ..he burnt with such desponding thoughts ..But what was the use..May be he was destined to just dream..But he hoped that some where on the planet, there was a woman meant solely for him ..There was a pleasure in thinking about it all…
Rajesh was a lady’s man before the calamity .So it was not an easy task to condition himself to the fact that he was now an object of ridicule .physically..
With such depleting thoughts he spent his days..He was finishing off his life span with utmost patience..But even amidst his pains, he nursed a sweet dream..a dream in which either existed a lovely looking girl with a lovelier smile specially meant for him ....he knew it would always remain a dream ,whether he wished it or not ..but what is the harm in dreaming even if he knew that it was a dream …things that brought joy to one’s heart was always welcome ….
The girl he saw that day in the bank had a semblance to his dream girl .so he started d to get a little more hope full …it was just a shot on the black that she would ever turn his way with such inclination ..But still…..
Every evening he went for a walk through the streets of that area. He loved the smell of earth during dusk. it had a kind of enigma….
No one noticed him .but he noticed every one..How happy the world looked from his view point..Every single person he came across was good looking .They had a family and there was a woman and child waiting for every one..Why not him ..Why did he have to become a sore thumb in this world …
The fruit vendors and flower women were trying their maximum to rush up their sale..The smell of jasmine flowers emanated through the atmosphere land gave the area a very erotic sensation..No none noticed the sweet scent .every one was busy …he had no place here. His world would exist in his dreams. There he would have people extolling him, loving him and tending to all his needs ..There would-be a girl, who would smother him with enough passion to liven up his dreary vigil hours..That was the panacea he resorted to liven up his wakeful hours …that was exactly what he was going to do now ..sleep was his only solace ..
He had an early dinner .went to bed..Tried to sleep…
There was a knock at the front door..He listened..Yes it was loud and clear..Who would it be at this uncanny hour..Probably some one from the bank!1he got up groggily and went to the front door there was girl standing there, smiling at him..She looked very familiar …Yes. She was that same girl from the bank..The very same girl who had asked him about starting an account in the bank…”oh, it is you. What brings you here? Please come in. it is so late ..And I suppose it is going to rain too .i heard the rumble a few minutes back ..She entered the room..There was an intoxicating smell of jasmine flowers. He looked further. She was, wearing a few jasmine flowers..In her hair ..But why so much smell from them ..”I am neena...I am very impressed by you Rajesh...I don’t know how to put it in to words .i might sound very silly if I tell thus ..But I have seen you since long time even when you were a handsome guy..But your present look and the comparison with the previous look is only adding to the passion I feel for you …because I had already fallen in love with you the first time I saw you ..i can’t pin point exactly what I had loved most about you ..it is definitely not your looks alone ,,,other wise I would not have been here now …but I love you badly and ,madly “ she stopped speaking …
Was he again dreaming, he was not able to believe his good luck..The girl whom he had visualized in just his dreams, was standing before him in flesh and blood and was confessing to him exactly what he had wanted her to confess..” You know Rajesh. Looks are just a passing phase...it is the character that needs to be taken in to consideration…I feel I have known you since long time. You have that kind of an effect on me ...’She stopped her volley of words..They were like honey drops in his ears ….”But he had his own doubts about what she knows about him...or how can she be so sure about his nature..it can be a vile one too ..But she sounded so confidant..This must be what poets call as poetic justice.Any thing and every thing licensed and true..Her feeling for him must be genuine …
Neena slowly came to stand so close to him that she was breathing in to his shoulder. Her smell was intoxicating him...one side of his face twitched...As if he was trying to control a lot of his emotions .what a fantastic feeling it was all. He slowly caught hold of her …and kissed her to his heart’s content..She moaned ever so softly in to his ears ..as if she was reveling in the glory of her passion ..Time stood still..Just they both existed in the earth..a thunder reverberated some where in the distant and the lover’s found the sublime bliss in each other ‘s arms ….
He was moaning and groaning and was repeatedly calling to her “neena…neena ….slowly that call became a cry and finally a roar ... And he opened his eyes hearing his own sound aloud…what was happening? Sunlight was seeping in through the drawn curtains …he sat upright .like some one who was hit with a boulder.. What had happened …where was Neena …? Oh my God! not again ..was it another dream ….?” He started weeping..It was not out of remorse …but out of self pity..What a fine feeling and a sense of belonging that had developed in him …it was all like a line drawn on the water ..gone as fast as it was drawn. Tears flowed uncontrollably down his cheeks ..all a dream ..and Just a dream …
Slowly he got up..The day was starting and so were his mundane chores...A life that is the reality ..a life that is a dream turned sour …
Rajesh started making his bed …he placed his pillow in it’s place …and while he was folding the sheet properly..Some thing felt under his fingers..Some thing feather like..And delicate...He slowly took it from beneath the folds of the sheets...It was a smothered Little jasmine flower!........

*

A PET DREAM…...

The rain sloshed up on the muddy ground and made a mess of the pedestrians plight to and fro….Sunanda got out of her office and walked towards her car anticipating a very heavy rain .Yes she was right .The rain poured down again in full fury….just as she entered the dry and warm comfort of her maruthi 800.She drove slowly through the slow and wet traffic…….
Sunanda was a self made woman of 32,strikingly beautiful with an hour glass shape to boast it ….She lacked for nothing in life .She had health ,wealth and good looks …but she was lonely She had so many companions .But none to keep her company when she needed it the most. Very often she felt so bad about that thought itself …….‘Why wasn‘t there a male company there for me ‘wasn‘t there a man whom she could call as her own ..may be every one could not get every thing always,,,hers was a typical example of it……
Sunanda had a father,a mother and a little sister 8 years back…..the year she got the job as a bank officer ,she had lost them .As if God was waiting for her to stand on her own feet ,before He snatched away her dear ones from her…Or else what humanly possible explanation could she attach to the cruelty of such a timing ……Her father was the one who was very particular about her getting in to a job. he used to say that in the modern age, with the prices of every thing going up, jobs for the husband and wife were the only possible solution for a happy family life .Sunanda understood him so well and hence studied for securing a good job. So she had put in all her energy and concentration for getting accolades in the interviews. And the competitive tests Yes indeed, job played an important role in a happy family life .Sunanda had overcome the first obstacle in the path for a happy life, according to her father. That was the securing of a good job. But where was the main thing??????..The family life itself…So far it had not happened. May be it was just around the corner, and Sunanda just seemed to be reaching out always. However, never reaching it actually………………..
Sunanda belonged to a staunch Hindu familly, where doing rituals and chanting hymns in praise of lord were the order of the day. Her father had a lot of belief in horoscope too. Unfortunately for him ,there was a bad cliché in Sunanda‘s horoscope .that was the presence of mars in the seventh house of her horoscope .That was a supposedly bad sign .As it showed widowhood .but it could be rectified by tallying the horoscope well with the opposite horoscope which they were planning to consider. So the search for such a horoscope went on in full swing .At times, it did tally with a boy here or a boy there .But Sunanda never okayed them .As she attached a lot of importance to looks She wanted her man to be tall dark well built and healthy..In addition, of course well placed too professionally. Who was there around with so many good qualities and the mars tallying with hers well? Almost none .Or else if at all there was one with all such good qualities,he was definitely not happening her way…Sunanda‘s father V.P.K Nair was a very docile and good natured gentle man .SO was her mother-Subhadra.Since VPK doted on his first daughter a lot ,he had not wanted ever to force his daughter in to a matrimony ,nilly willy.thus that auspicious event never materialized for Sunanda. Yes marriages were indeed made in heaven. Probably Sunanda was in the waiting list there That was why she was still in waiting for her dream man !!!! on tandem with her parents‘ numerous futile attempts to see her off in marriage ,she had passed her masters in commerce ,with flying colours.she was in the process of attempting so many interviews and bank tests. Because bank jobs were a dream area of working. It was mostly because she had come from a family of bankers. Her father and her grand father were bankers. Although her grand father was the owner of a private bank, it was as good as a public sector owned one ,if not better. Both her father and grand father were able to instill confidence and good will in their customers‘ hearts ,with their sincerity and hard work.Similarily ,Sunanda too had wanted to prove her mettle as a bank officer …..
She did not have to wait long.because on her 24th year,she was a bank probation officer. God had indeed heard her professionally ambitious call after all…………
But her life still had to have a companion…even at the age of 32..Her new job had really been very heart warming and enterprising .Sunanda was slowly starting to forget her failures, to get a companion, when the inevitable had struck .VPK and his wife were traveling to Chennai with their second daughter,to attend the wedding of his best friend’s daughter.Sunanda had opted out as she had just joined duty ,and had not wanted to take leave . the inefficiency of the driver of her father’s car or the carelessness of the truck driver ,what ever be the reason the worst had occurred to her dear ones .the head on collapse had snatched away her dear ones from her for ever…Sunanda was the worst hit by the tragedy ..she had not known what to do or say ..Yes she had not laughed for more than 3 years since that tragedy. But time was the best healer It ,healed her nerves too ,in due course ...life went in to a set pattern for Sunanda.There was some family wealth ,.A house of her own and some landed property attached to it.. .but where was that particular some thing that would have made up for all the wealth and houses? The peace of mind and mental happiness….Now eight long years had passed since that tragic incident. but it was all so vivid and alive and sore in her tender and lonely heart..Sunanda at present was in Bangalore. She was now in the level of an assistant manager. quite often her job had taken her away from her birth place and sore memories. The new place and the crowded activities at the bank had left her with little or no room to be reminiscent .In one sense that was a blessing in disguise for Sunanda.AS she had little or no good memories .Of course her days with her father mother and sister were the best any girl could have asked for .But the tragedy that followed there after was enough to give sleepless nights and forget her sweet memories. It was so ominous as to smolder the entire happiness that had once been………..
She had in due course rented out her house to a far relation of her father’s .He was a man with no issues, Just he and his wife comprised his family. Since the tragedy ,they considered Sunanda as their own child. They lived in her house and took care of the property attached to it too .they were willing to help her look after her property, till she got herself time to do so . Now she was in a rented house in Bangalore with just a maid to keep her company. though things looked so much in place for Sunanda ,from an outsider’s angle ,she was in effect lost and lonely .she wanted a man of her choice and in her life . A man to own and hold her through thick and thin…through joys and sorrows ..to father her child ,to dream and flourish with her ……a man whom she can call as her husband and world…..some one who loved her as much as she loved him. a handsome and vivacious man who was also well employed ..But by God ! Where was this handsome guy who would ravish and cherish Sunanda?
Sunanda often used to discuss this pet dream to herewith her best friend at the bank. Her name was Sandra. She was a very modern and hep woman. She had traveled far wide and was from an affluent family .Job to her was one of her fascinations. She had married a man of her choice..She had found him through internet Chatting .yes a particular soft ware which gave one free access to meet so many types and kinds of people..One would enter a different arena through that chat .a place where, if you are lucky , you would meet the person of your dreams ..All your pet dreams about friend ship .love etc could materialize ,if you are lucky .and Sandra was lucky .she met her man through chatting .And he also proved to be worthy of her. Hearing Sandra talk endlessly about the pros and cons of chatting .Sunanda became enchanted and curious .she was so optimistic that she decided she would meet her man thus..and..That was how she met Alok…
Sunanda installed the chat messenger and registered in to it with her name as ID .only difference being that she had to add a number too to her ID .that was because there were other people already registered in to it with the same name as hers…so she was Sunanda 123 in chat messenger …Thus she started to chat in the general way noting nothing in particular ..Just talking with all and sundry…on a particular site .then one ID with the name Zeus singled her out and wished her as“ Hi Sunu.’’and she liked him instantaneously…besides the name of that particular Id was also very fascinating ..a name of the Greek god ..a very handsome and powerful god ….so she answered him with another ‘hi’ ..after the first formalities ,she came to know that Zeus was after all a He and that his name was Alok.He was a north Indian aged 36,currently working as soft ware engineer in a very well established company at Singapore…he too had entered the chat to look out for a woman of his liking .Sunanda was really excited ..so it was after all happening …They were two of a kind…
Sunanda too revealed her identity and the parapharnelias...Honestly.Alok instantly liked her frankness. They chatted for a long time about every thing...like love .life career loneliness ….it felt as if she had a lot to tell him as if they were just waiting for the first opportunity to get together .on most of the subjects they agreed ..She found Alok a very interesting person..Thus, it went on and on ….
So many days flew past with both of them not knowing it …they were so enthralled by the news both of them had to impart to each other they had so much to talk about..
Then on one such days they came to the subject on choosing the life partners..and Sunanda told him about the importance she attached to a person’s looks .she was of opinion that looks.. That too good looks did matter a lot for the success of a happy love life …Alok was finding it difficult to support her justifications.According to him, looks had the least importance …So one day during the conversation he had asked her for her picture .she obliged him immediately as she was so very confident about her good looks.Alok received her picture immediately. Looking at her picture, he was mesmerised..She was indeed the most beautiful woman he had ever come across. Her lovely black and large eyes were so beautiful and expressive that he could have sunk in to its depth. her nose was so straight and aristocratic and her lips were so full and pouting like a rose flower..Alok could have gone on eulogizing her looks unendingly.such was the exquisiteness of her looks. So he concluded that there was no wonder that she was on the look out for a good looking guy.Alok‘s looks,he knew very well that ,could do full justice to her demands. He slowly got up from the chair and looked at himself in the dressing bureau mirror. The image that stared back at him was that of a perfection of male good looks …tall, lean dark and muscular with powerful and deep probing eyes…pointed nose full lips and a perfect gait..Infact Alok was physical perfection personified.he was happy .He would indeed make Sunanda a perfect match, from her point of view. but Alok‘s nature was different .So different from that of sunanda‘s .He attached no importance to looks as far as matters of heart was concerned. he fully believed too that he was right ,Of course he loved sunanda.But that had happened much before he even had set eyes on her picture. He fell in love with her because of her frankness, simplicity and smartness. He wanted to make her believe that looks .whether good or bad were not important in love …he vowed to himself do so . As he wanted her so badly. he wanted her to climb down from her ivory tower where she existed ,believing that looks had so much prominence ..And that too good looks .how wrong she was !He would free her of that myth and then would show himself in front of her.. Till then he decided to keep his real self a secret from her .what a moment it would be !she would then love him for his looks ,with which he would have conversed with her till then .That he decided would be that of an ugly man .Then when she sees his real self she would naturally accept him with good looks …as by then he would have won her heart ..so much he would love her and prove it too. that was his plan .then he was sure that she would believe that after all looks were not all that important ,when the heart calls .
So he planned to send her a different picture, a picture of an ugly man .Let that be the “Alok” she sees for the time being …he scanned a picture of an ugly man in to the PC and then later send it to her . …
Sunanda had home early the next day. she was not able to contain the excitement she was feeling about the prospective vision of Alok‘s pic..Because he had promised to send his snap the very next day. She was not even able to concentrate on any thing at the bank. She was constantly thinking about how Alok would look like .She prayed that he would be handsome because she was feeling very comfortable with him other wise. She could tell him all her worries and anxieties and he would always be there like a panacea ,he would be there with consoling or soothing lines. And if he was a looker .then she would sincerely contemplate a life with him .After all ,according to her ,looks and that too good looks had an important role in making a marriage success..
She got home early and then ran to her PC .then opened her inbox…There he was staring back at her ..A very ‘ugly looking man .He was healthy looking .But there ended his semblance to any thing humane. He had close set small eyes. A large and broken looking nose .He had very stern and thin upper lip and a square face.On the whole, he looked very threatening and just out of a boxing ring!. She hated the sight of his looks. But ……..how could she hate him. When he had given her so much support and happiness on line .It was as if she had some anchor, with which she could row above all obstacles.Sunanda left it at that ..She was not yet prepared to accept him; even in spite of his good nature .but she wanted him there, as a friend and guide….
The very next day to seeing each other ‘s photos,Alok came on line and proposed to her…He specially pointed out that he had wanted to marry her not because of her good looks ..But because of her frankness and simplicity. Her good looks were only and added bonus ..Alok vowed to keep her happy and secure and loved…but Sunanda was not ready yet……Because Alok was not a looker ….she was in a dilemma .she actually was not able to come to a conclusion …she had pined all her aspirations on looks .and here was a man ,whom she actually liked very much ,but for his looks .and she did not know whether she wanted to marry him or not ……looks do count still…..
Days and months flew by with both of them keeping quite about the question of marriage …Both Alok and Sunanda went their ways in every aspects of life .But Alok kept it as a must to come online every night and chat with her for a few minutes .Sunanda too answered him often and told him about all the things that were happening to her life .she had taken a liking for him for reasons even alien to her.. .He was that good a man .why didn’t god give him good looks too to match his nature..Sunanda was trying every possible ways to make herself come in terms with his bad looks..That was how much a part he had become of her other wise …now good looks were indeed acting as a villain in her life . a feeling of getting sore at the throat. Suffering was the only possible way out …she had indeed found a good and reliable friend in Alok….Although not a lover..not yet ….
Alok on the other hand was willing to wait ….Because he knew love would succeed .That much he loved her. And his love was sincere to the core …..He believed that true love would be well rewarded..
But he wanted her as his own only after proving to her that looks took a back seat, in the matters regarding the heart.Alok wanted to change her biased attitude .before he appeared in front of her and showed her his killer woman looks ..How happy she would be then! He thought fondly….Because she would have found real love and a good-looking man as well. Both to her choice .so to her looks too would be won as a bonus ….just as he had got her and her good looks …… Looks won’t be an all important factor ..looks are skin deep …that was the message he had wanted to relay to her .so he was willing to wait for that good cause…When once she changed her obstinacy for looks she would definitely be able to love freely and with out any restrictions….
Sunanda, in the due course received a marriage proposal from a common friend’s brother ..He was an average looking man .His name was Sathish..He had wanted to marry Sunanda ..so he sounded his interest to her friend.,arathi…so Arathi went to her house once with Sathish..He .Sunanda was getting ready to go out for shopping .But she invited them both in to her house . And Arathi came to the point straight away.Sathish was a construction engineer. And he told her that since his office was so very near to her bank ,he had seen her often and was instantly attracted to her ‘So Looks do matter’..Sunanda thought to herself amusedly….. Sunand looked at Sathish and found him to be a good looking guy….But she felt no stirrings for him …her thought kept wandering to one ugly face ,she knew so well…..Yes Alok‘s picture in her Pc.so she coyly and manner fully refused the proposal. After the perfunctory trivialities, Sathish..he and Arathi left…..
Sunanda kept thinking…why. what made her refuse Sathish‘s proposal……He was quite handsome ..and well behaved too. he had also admitted that he was impressed with her …then what was the block ?yes she knew it ..She knew the reason as clear as day light now ..Realization dawned on her like a bolt from the blue….She was in love …SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH AN UGLY MAN..And that man’s name was ALOK…she tried initially to deny her realizations..She told to herself repeatedly..That it can’t possibly be true ..that he was not good looking …but there it was ..she was not able to run away from her heart‘s consent .she loved him ardently, sincerely..In addition, of course passionately too. She was even willing to overlook his looks, because he was so good nutured,so very free to be with and so very understanding and supportive ..What more can a woman look for in her future husband.yes Alok was right ..Looks …that too good looks were just a bonus in love and matters relating to heart… …Alok proved it to her by his own person…So she decided to ask him to meet her ..She wanted to see him so badly. she wanted to admit her love for him on his face in reality and not through net. Still she had decided on giving him an hint about her feelings for him..Otherwise he would not come all the way from Singapore …..
So that night while he came online for her .she told him about the entire incidents that had happened to her that day ..about how Sathish‘s proposal had made her realize that it not a handsome man she was now on the look out for..and that she knew, just like Alok, that good looks were only a bonus in love and marriage . Then she told him that she wanted to meet him in person..As she felt that she was in love with him…..to Alok those words were ambrosia to his thoughts and mind and body and soul..Yes the moment he was waiting for had arrived….Sunanda loved him and not his looks….So when she saw him in person, and saw his good looks..She would swoon..And then she would thank god for having given her the best of every thing …………….yes ,the wait was worth it …..Alok promised her that he would come over to Bangalore on the 12th of the very next month ,July…he needed that much time just to avail tickets and also some leave …so much to prepare for ..most probably .he would be returning with Sunanda back to Singapore…-Mrs. Sunanda Alok and Mr happy –go- lucky Alok….His heart did a somersault with those happy thought…she had indeed changed her biased attitude towards good looks. And Sunanda was going to be awarded with a bonus. As alok was so handsome …just fifteen days more to go and then he would have the world in his pocket…no heaven inhis pocket …Sunanda was his heaven on earth!!!!!
Days couldn’t have gone fast enough …Sunanda was in a dream world..Going through all the daily routines in a dreamy state….She was jittery and she was apprehensive, in turns, about her impending rendezvous with Alok…She knew that she was in love with him and that she wanted no other man other than Alok as her husband…But..from some where deep down in her heart a dormant doubt cropped up.Alok was not at all good looking …not in the least like any body whom she had visualized in her dreams… but she wanted to accept his bad looks too now …as she loved him so much ..Infact his looks had got etched in her mind….she was so surprised at the change love had brought in her…
July 12th.the day they were to meet arrived…She dressed in the most fitting way possible for the great occasion ..then she went to the temple ..said a prayer, came back home and had a light break fast ..By 10‘o‘clock ,she got in to her car and drove straight to Taj residency Hotel..Alok had promised her that he would be at the lounge of that hotel at the strike of 11..She reached Taj by 10.30 am .and parked her car at the car park. Locked the car and went straight to the lounge..She told the receptionist that she was waiting for some one there .the receptionist showed her to a comfortable sofa.Alok would come to her ..she looked at the picture she had of Alok…then she looked around..ther wasn‘t many people there at the lounge …Just a couple of Europeans. It was five minutes to 11…Sunanda felt her heart beating fast and loud. The excitement was brimming out of her …..
Alok came out of his room and took a lift down to the lounge. He had sunanda‘s photo intact with him in his wallet…her face was etched in his memory. Then he saw her ..There she was sitting screwed up with excitement in a very cushy sofa…Perfection of womanly charms at its peak…She looked at him once and then she looked away .how could she recognize him...she was waiting for that horrible looking face …Alok smiled to himself while he walked towards her…he came right in front of her and stopped and said ‘Hi Sunanda….I am Alok’and then he extended his hand …Sunanda slowly got up..A kind of uncanny look came in to her eyes. As if she was being cheated unaware…..and was being pulled deep down in to a treacherous game of deception. She stood erect in front of him ,then took a look at the picture she had of her ugly looking ,golden hearted Alok….THE ALOK she had loved and cherished and adored…the man for whom she had waited on ends all these years ..the man who taught her the values and importance of Love…..but who was this handsome stranger, who was claiming to be Alok..it can’t be ..it should not be …She slowly shook herself off her reverie. Then looked at that handsome face and said slowly but clearly’ But Mr.. You are not My Alok….”and walked away swiftly, with out even giving him a backward glance……
Alok looked on, unable to even utter a single word. His world was collapsing around him and his Love was fading away from him forever…

*

KERALA THE LAND I LOVE
A slip of land grown dense with palms,
Is my land heaped with gloss?
It`s silver streams flux with life,
Like silver lining amidst the clouds.
A scented breeze greets all it`s men.
To sip and seek in this glorious den.
The bronze hilltops and bramble leaves,
Screams aloud of its ripened “hoards”.
Sun rays glitter the mounts and streams
Making it some celestial dreams .
The sea throws it`s pearly waves,
Which spreads along the healthy shores.
Pebbles turn with bubbly speed,
As the river flow with no slight heed.
Life is so safe ,serene and calm.
Wit bushy trees grass and palm.
The blossoming plants look so proud,
With virgin petals at their side .
The path way through the worn out leaves,
Though unkempt are steeped in peace.
The golden rays that kiss the hils,
Is a bounty blessing from the skies.
The star-lit sky that adorn the night,
Makes the river down her eso bright.
Creator the God has lavished this land ,
I thank Thee with all my mind.
2. THE BUTTERCUP
On a pearly shiny hill view top,
There gin gelled on a buttercup.
She found all world an oceanic fun,
She thought the sun to be a gem.
All the flowers her sole kingdom.
She suckled all it`s honeyed juice,
And fluttered about on dappled wings.
Once she flew off down the mount,
Found a lotus amidst the pond.
The lotus looked so sweet and great,
That dazzled up her fatuous heart.
It`s pink petals billowed in wind.
It shook it`s head as if it cared.
The buttercup was so frazzled,
It flew to suck it`s juice sweet.
The slanting sun rays withered off earth,
The lotus shut it`s petals soft.
Trapped was she in the lotus case,
Troubled was she to flee and rise .
Next morning brought the lotus up,
With a smothered little buttercup.


3 LOOKINGOUT OF MY WINDOW……..
Sitting by the window, the world looked so wonderful..
Perhaps the world was indeed wonderful.
*****
The tiny little winsome birds and the wild weary leaves
Every thing had an uncanny presence
*****
As if they were all trying to dance alike
For, the life to them was nothing but lark........
*****
The myriad lives out there were making all bliss...
A pluvial morn, when I gazed out of my window
*****
I find a twig, shaped like bow..
A drenched little bird was musing on its curve.
******
Shriveling against the pin like drops
It flared its wings to snuggle with a droop.
*****
A lightning flashed against the grey span
I withdrew from the musty window pane.
******
The giant leaves of an unnamed tree
Sloshed its self as if to free
. ****
The nimbus moved and the sun peeped
The nature was venting off its heat
*****
For a reason known to nature itself..
To my eyes it all looked so safe and calm.
*****
A beauty that was lost to the world.
Rare exhibit of this nature’s whims..
*****
A breath taking scene, a feast to my eyes
Looking out of the widow, I often muse
******
Locking all my misery and tears.
Blocking always my weird fears….
*****************************************************

4. SPRING TIME.

Oh! Spring tie thou art so spruce,
Though turns this globe prodigious.
The pluvial touch now fades aback,
To make way for a floral look.
This bounty blessing of the Lord,
Brings down her ea celestial world.
The warbling of the boundless birds,
Echoes around this colossal size.
Every shrubs puts forth their hope,
To turn these land a kaleidoscope.
The fields now shake their heads in peace,
As spring time swaps a fruitful kiss.
The silver streams springs with life ,
As if he attained his long lost wife .
All in all there is life in all,
And spring time brings hopes in full.
Oh! The savior ,don’t fade from earth,
Don’t give her back a time too writhe!

5. THE RAMBLE

Amidst the deep set valleys bright,
Across the cloud kissed mountain heights.
A winsome stroke flew in dreamy blithe,
Abode to her was ,where she slept.
The morning rays of golden sun,
Blinked her eyes with glistening sheen.
The colorful scenes of early morn,
Breezed her being like feathery fan.
The dews that owned the bed of leaves,
Seemed to her like diamond stones.
The bramble depth of thick stemmed trees,
Blew with force to seek some peace.
Stork paused to watch their dancing plight ,
For it seemed as if they swapped secret.
Thirst and hunger soon caught her tight,
A pond of fishes brought down her weight.
Quenching ,munching she flew to sky,
With wonky speed of a rambling fly.
Night crept in and she heaved a sigh,
Then flew to find her nest nearby..

6.THE BRUTAL FATE

Yearning for a private nest ,
The birds flew high up east and west.
A lonely creeper lit aglow,
The lover’s heart as fire at blow.
They warbled on to that sweet hide,
To peck one’s loves with no occlude.
Shutting all the lurking gloat,
They nestled on that leafy cot.
The floral creeper mused in fain ,
The tiny birds minced off their pain.
The forest waved it`s greenly blade,
The lovers found the world in dance.
The golden rays now probed their hide,
As if to share their nuptial bed.
Nature fanned it`s scented breeze,
But they failed to see those spying knaves.
The hunters were some carefree men,
Who killed the naïve for game and fun.
Their sly eyes reached the cuddled up love ,
Shot one down with no slight move.
The he-bird writhed in crimson blood,
And came fast down with soft thud.
The brutal fate laughed in it`s might,
Then took the stilled one off to feast.
The she-bird gazed with tears in her eyes,
The sunny side spun around in daze.
She still awaits him by the dead of night ,
And sings for him with hopes so great!!
7. THE SIGN OF SOLITUDE

A lugubrious tree high above the lot,
Yearning for an embrace tight,
It is a sign of solitude.
From the leafy world of forest deep,
A fluttery leaf falls when ripe,
It is a sign of solitude.
A scarlet flower shakes its head
But the wind dooms a petal dead,
It `s a sign of solitude.
A flock of birds among the clods,
Finding all a bliss to the eyes,
A hunter lurks below on earth,
Aims one down for a wholesome feast,
That is a sign of solitude.
Friendship, kinship and lover’s bliss,
Frizzles to mud at death’s one kiss.
Jocund jolly friendly men,
Shrinks to viscid pit alone.
So death is a sign of solitude.
Glorious son who makes us gay,
Is loner in the Milky Way?
So HE is a sign of solitude.

8. AN UNUSUAL DAY

Yet another morn was born,
Birds chirped to greet the morn.
A silvery streak slashed the sky,
Ushering in that golden” fly”.
Drone of nature’s usual deed,
Spanned about in forgotten speed.
Men flocked around the vendor’s stall,
To catch up on the news, unusual.
A mug of tea or a morning prowl,
Summed up the rich man’s morning goal.
The not-so-lucky gained no fun,
Their dreary chores took their entire morn.
With pricking heat and prickly sweat,
Morn and fore noon speed with haste.
Evening brings the tired folks,
Back to home for snacks and jokes.
Night ushers in a glossy look,
Sky adorns a bridal smock.
Mini screen keeps the ladies uptight,
Towards the dead of a spooky night.
Here, thus ends an usual day,
To start afresh in a similar way….

9. AN ARROGANT MAN.

The world is large, but not to him,
The Lord is great, but not to him.
His nose tips views sums it well,
For he is the lord and master of all.
Ever at loggerheads with works of art,
He feigns he knows the gist of it
He treads the ground in lofty steps,
He pays no heed to any one’s talks.
Goodness to him is what he feels,
Boldness is just where he fails.
Wee-hour birds can’t wake him up,
For morn is when he stops his sleep.
He gives no ear to men of words,
Indeed a cursed birth of arrogance.
His irate nature has an ilk,
An alley cat that sips its milk.
Both sees no world, still feels so safe,
Unaware of their loathsome life.
*************************************************************
10. A LITTLE TOO LATE

Here life is a make believe magic word,
Where no one cares for any one’s needs.
A little too late one comes to know,
Belittling is the name of the game.
Science and man often join hands,
Signs off unto astonishing heights.
But a little too late man comes to know,
The buttered danger amongst their deeds.
Nature too has its own ways,
Some natural bounty to please always.
A little too late man finds these facts,
How little utilized are those resources.
Political slogans, irrational fights,
Pollutes the serene azonic earth.
A little too late these leaders realize
The mettle of a peaceful land.
Loving, being loved and give and take,
Bowing to Lord in a thankful note,
Kindly lend alms and kingly spirits,
Kindles the inner glow of our race.
Little too late men accept these truths,
And `a little too late` is tandem to great loss...

DOWN THE MEMORY LANE

The bus sped fast through the virgin valley and the concrete jungle. The cool and damp breeze brought so many thoughts in to Neelima‘s mind. It was the wee hours of the morning .She had started her journey from Chennai the previous evening. Now she was about to reach her home land …..The land where neither her house nor her dear ones lived .Still she preferred to call it her home land ….She felt so lonely and lost .A myriad of feelings sped past her .That village had so many valuable and precious memories that had a touch of saltish taste ….Saltish because of the tears it contained …..
Memories …they awaken you always whenever you want to forget … … …
Chavara was a small village in the southern part of Kerala .Though it was not touched much by the fashions of the jet set age ,it had beauty in heaps .Because nature was always flirting with that place ..The way the greenery grew and spread ,no one would feel that this was a remote village .it held many scope for a health resort or a tourist spot ..
That was exactly what Neelima‘s father Shankar and his friend George felt. Their business eye caught their attention there and they both saw the possibility of a tourist haven ,with all its unkempt and virgin beauty. With the high altitude rocks and trees and many unnamed birds. The forest had so many medicinal plants .
George and Shankar were the business partners of a newly started construction venture called’ SHAGO’
! They were friends since their college days .It was their similarity in the business field namely construction field that made them become closer .After so many discussions and arguments they had decided on starting their maiden venture in Chavara.
Neelima was Shankar‘s only daughter .She was twelve years old when they came to Chavara.. But Chavara did not have any good English medium schools .That posed a problem. But George found a solution for that .As his son who was fifteen too had to have a good school to finish his SSLC .They engaged a driver for taking both of them to the near by English medium school . It was a few miles drive to the nearest town where there was a very good school. Joseph was George’s son .He was a very handsome boy at fourteen .He had very good manners and nature .Neelima liked him a lot as unlike many other boys ,Joseph never made fun of girls ..That was a very admirable quality of his .He treated both girls as well as boys in the same manner.
Joseph had a special affection for Neelima. His young mind did not register it as love at that time .But he was sure she had a very special place in his heart . They were almost always together after school hours .They went exploring the sparsely crowded streets ..Went to explore the little forest areas ..it was fun and frolic all the way ..
There was a local temple there for a Serpent God under the banyan tree .The serpent God and Goddess were considered very powerful by the local people .One day Neelima took Joseph to that Temple. It was also known as “Sarpa Kavu”. “Joseph, if you pray here ,all your wishes would be full filled ..it is not just me who is telling thus ..This is the general belief around here .People have experienced uncanny materializations of their wishes ...”saying thus, Neelima‘s closed her eyes and joined her hands and started to pray ..Joseph stood there looking at her transfixed .He was so carried away by her devotion and her belief ,that he almost felt that her wishes were getting full filled ..But a thought occurred to him..What was it that she was praying so ardently .He was old enough to feel that she was in love with him and that she was asking gods the permission to sanction their love ..Such naughty thoughts made him smile to himself. Just at that time Neelima opened her eyes and saw him smile to himself ...”What are you smiling about ...”She was really getting annoyed .she mistook his smile for a mockery ...”Don’t play fool with this serpent God ..You would be punished .” She admonished him ‘Even otherwise ,what was so very funny .What I told you was just what we Hindus believe .Why do you want to make a mockery of out believes .” she was not giving up .Joseph knew that she was really hurt .But he also knew that she was mistaken too .But he can’t tell her exactly what he was thinking .that might further hurt her ,if she was not having such romantic feelings about him .Still he decided to give her an inkling about his cause for smile .”Neelima ..” he said “I was not making fun of your serpent god ..on the other hand I do believe all that what you have said .I was thinking about what you were praying ..” he stopped sheepishly ..”What is there to laugh so much about in that.”? She was not giving up ..’Nothing “he admitted “Just that I had a naughty idea ...Any way forget it ..It was not important ..i shall tell you about it some other time…”
That was settled thus .But he knew he was really in love with her ..Neelima, although very young was also feeling some strange pleasant sensations, whenever she was with him .yes she was old enough to understand the meaning of that feeling. It was Love ..Yes she was already in love with him .She did not want to broach that subject with him ..Because she felt that Joseph would really make fun of her .
Seasons changed a few times over..Neelima was now a seventeen year old girl Neelu bloomed into beauty,Joseph looked smart and handsome at twenty . Their outings alone started getting rare as their parents started putting certain restrictions But their childhood affection for each other had grown in to sincere and passionate love affair . Their parents were unaware of it all. They vowed never to part despite any adversities. But destiny had some thing else in store for them …
Shankar and George had long given up on their dream project as there were so many obstacles .The main obstacle came in the form of finance .It was George who had put in the major share of money in their project ..He was so positive about it .But things did not turn up as he had planned .It was Shankar certain clients who had done the major damage .Shankar had brought in a few possible investors .They promised ever so many things and fleeced the project the most cunning way possible ..In short the project had an untimely death all due to Shankar..Or that is what George decided to believe .The truth was that there were some bad planning from George’s side too .But George was a bigot ..He did not want to take up any types of blame..Even if it was done by him and he very well knew that .Shankar was aware of his friend’s short comings .So he was magnanimous enough to let it sink .So to an outsider it looked as if shankar was the reason for the project’s early death …
One-day things reached such a position that there were some intense arguments between them.
From that day onwards, there was not much friend ship between them …
They both discarded their joint venture and drifted apart. The financial misfortune had made their dream Company SHAGO run in to deep waters. That ill luck spread its wings in to their friend ship too .They were no more indispensable factors for each other ..George went his way and so did Shankar .
Shankar moved to city ,after selling so many of his properties .He had to keep himself away from all the financial obligations .So selling his family share was the only possible solution .Neelima went Nilly willy from that place ..As she had so many sweet memories attached to it .
The thought that she would no longer be able to see Joseph was a kind of ache inside her .she was really at her wit’s end . She knew she was not allowed to speak any thing about Joseph at her house..But she was not able to help her heart’s desire .She wanted him so badly in her life..Was he too thinking the same way about her..She wondered …
The shift to city was a kind of excruciating experience for Shankar .As he never favored city life .It was against his life style..He loved peace, harmony and fresh air..But now village life was unthinkable as there was a nightmare attached to it . So to nurse his wounded nerves ,he had wanted a change of scenery .City life was the best option ..That was how he came to the capital city of Kerala ….new surroundings ,completely different natured crowd ..Shankar was slowly starting to enjoy..
Neelima was admitted in to the college near her new house .One day while her fathered was relaxing in the front room of their house, Neelima slowly approached him and asked in a very meek manner “Dad .what happened between you and George uncle? Why didn’t he at least pay us a visit ..are you both such great enemies all of a sudden/” Shankar looked at her with a lot of pain in his eyes .It looked as if he did not want to remember it at all .Still he gathered some strength to tell her as much “Neelu ,you won’t understand it at all ,there isn’t any animosity between us .It is just that we have decided to drift apart .It is better that way .besides Joseph has joined for MBA in coimbatore .So most probably they might be preferring to be with him “.With that he changed subject .Neelima knew that her father did not want to discuss that subject ever .So she left it at that .But one information she got .Joseph was in Coimbatore .
Neelu was unable to concentrate much on her studies ..as the thoughts of her love for Joseph kept intervening .Neelu‘s mother got wind of her trauma .Because she was the only person who had supported her love affair with Joseph .But there was no use of bringing up that fact in front of Shankar .He would have objected with nail and tooth .
Such was the animosity that was prevailing between the two one time friends .
Still neelu‘s mother decided to bring up that matter to her husband .Because she did not want to dent her daughter’s happiness in any way .
That night, while they were in bed Shankar asked his wife “Why are you so gloomy today .I have been noticing since morning .I know all your moods so well. why what happened ..don‘t you want to tell me ‘/ What better opportunity than this can come up to put up her decision .”Nothing dear ..I was just thinking..why we are not deciding on getting Neelu married away “she started .’Hey ..What is the matter with you ..She is just a baby ..let her finish her college .What is the hurry …Or is there some other matter ,you are reluctant to discuss .?” He was getting wind of some other important matter that was about to come from her…”yes’. she admitted . ‘it is about neelu‘s love for Joseph .I am sure she loves him .so why don’t we think in that way .””What is the matter with you ..How dare you ask me to agree’Shankar was roaring with anger now ..”Ok ..I take back what ever I have told just now .There is no need for you to get so much angry. This was not a subject which I have discussed with Neelu .I just felt so .that was why I had wanted to discuss with you .But one thing I shall tell you .If you are not agreeing to get her married to Joseph ,then it is better you get her married off fast .Let her not nurse her fond thoughts about him in futile ..” She stopped with that and just turned the other way and pretended to sleep .She knew very well that she had set the thinking cells of Shankar agile. Now she was sure that he would find a solution to it fast .the last thing she wished before sleep set in was that whatever shankar decided up on should be a positive one ..But nothing of that sort happened …
Years rolled by .Neelima finished her graduation and was bent up on going for her post graduation .But Shankar was not at all agreeable to furthering her studies .It was time for her to get married .Then it happened …
Joseph came to that house asking for her hand .He was now a handsome young man of 25. he was also employed in a Multi national company in Bangalore as marketing manager ..He had made with out the knowledge of his father George .Because what is the use of creating unnecessary skirmishes this trip. Because he was sure that that was what the final out come would be if at all he presented his intention to get married to Neelima .But he was also a mind set young man . His love for Neelu had increased double fold with the passage of time .That was why he had decided to approach Neelima‘s fathered .It was not very difficult to find her house ,As Neelima used to e-mail him at times about every thing .Even her love for him .
So that day When they saw Joseph at their door step ,Shankar was surprised .He did not show any emotion ,thought .Joseph straight away went to the catch ..He said “can You please allow me to make Neelima my wife.,Uncle ?”………….Then all hell broke loose.
A total bedlam..All the pent up fury and desperation which Shankar was feeling about his misfortune that befell him ,came out in a gush ….It flew out as exasperation and as a torrent of harsh words .He was reacting as if Joseph was not Joseph ,but his father George …!!!!Poor Joseph was flabbergasted .He was not prepared for such a tumultuous reaction from Shankar . As for Neelima..That day devastated her completely. Her ivory dream house fell apart . Joseph called to her..To walk out with him .But Shankar threatened her with the worst calamity, if she did so …
At last after a lot of emotional trauma, she sacrificed her desire, to save her father from a catastrophe . That night when every one was deep asleep she rang up Joseph and asked him to come near the mango tree at her back yard .That was the tree, beneath where they had spent a lot of beautiful moments .Joseph was waiting for her when she came out stealthily. The moon lit night too looked woebegone, just like their minds. They talked deep in to the night .then at last on mutual consent they decided to part .Because both of them did not want the curse and ill will of their parents..Neither did they want to consummate their love in guilt and rejection.
Joseph drifted far away from her life …………..Neelima was married to Prakash ,a site engineer of her father1s choice .
Years rolled by .with the monotony of a love less marriage for Neelima. Because in the beginning itself Prakash‘s sexual perversions were made very conspicuous to Neelima . He found happiness in hurting and molesting Neelima physically and emotionally .It was the mental agony that was getting more and more excruciating with the passage of time. Although Prakash had no parents, he sometimes took up the role of a rude mother in law, with Neelima . Like making her do all the menial house hold chores .then late he would grumble needlessly. He was indeed a gone case of perversions and psychological perversions.
Neelima often tried to justify his rude behaviour and attitude towards her .As Prakash had a loveless and lonely childhood. His parents had both died in a motor accident .Thus Prakash was brought up by a bachelor uncle. Though Prakash was monetarily affluent, His affluence in good habits were very limited or rather nil. Neelima suffered each day …Joseph often came up in her mind teasing her playing with her .and even making passionate love with her .She felt so happy at those virtual dreams. She regained full vigor to face the reality after such fine thoughts..But how long could she survive like that ? She was diminishing her vistas of happiness to a mere dream….A dream that could have been a reality, had she been a little more rash and selfish in her decisions. Instead she gave her parents the priority at the risk of her own private happiness.
Prakash did not like babies..Not even a baby of his own flesh and blood .He had an entirely different version to justify his views ...”They just a biological process that sprouts out of a human being due to lack of concentration ..”That was what he had to say about the conceiving of a child.!
Neelima‘s motherly instincts were often singing lullabies to her unborn child. Oh God! What had she done to suffer so much heart burns her one foolish step destroyed her love and life ..where was Joseph now? After her marriage to Prakash she never heard any thing about him …
That beautiful little house at Chavara ,that shady mango tree at the back yard and the loads and loads of sweet memories that she had experienced there often came alive I her memory. Every thing seemed like a dream now …changing those dreams she reached a nightmarish reality ………she did not wish to live …what was the use of living out a loveless and painfully discarded life ?
She took the final decision She decided to go back to Chavara ..to that little house ,where she lived once happily .Under that mango tree where so many of her dreams materialized. ….She wanted to end her life under that tree..That was her wish ...So she set off on her final journey ……….
The bus came to halt some where near Chavara. She enquired to a lady sitting near her , how far it was to Chavara . That lady told her that any moment they would reach there e. On hearing that Neelima‘s heart gave a happy lurch, as if she anticipated a longing to relive her past. …..
Chavara looked a little different and changed by the concrete houses that had sprouted around it, since the last time she was there .That was ten long years ago. Ten years of agony, pain, and conflicts …
Now she had departed from Chennai and Prakash.,with strong dose of poison.!! Yes ..Neelu wanted to rest her head on that mango tree ,when she breathed her last . Reminiscing al that golden moments .seeing vividly a glory that once was her own private heaven . A glory she let go off her hands knowingly. …..
‘Oh! Joseph, where are you ??I am so tired, my dear …Tired of thinking about the misery I brought to you …to me …. Forgive me, my darling..Let me go..”…..Her mind kept repeating thus as she got down from the bus and took an auto rickshaw straight to that house that once was hers…
On reaching there she found that house shut and lonely..However, one window at the front was a little ajar. She could see no one around. Still she felt as though she saw a moment inside. But since her purpose in coming there was different, she did not knock at the front door. Instead, she went to the neighborhood house. The previous tenants had shifted. The new occupant told her that, her house had been for sale for quite some time and that some one had bought it the previous week. That was all they knew, as the house remained lonely and silent since then.
What a golden opportunity to carry out her purpose in visiting that house.To die under her favorite mango tree with no hindrance ……
She moved away from there and went tin to the streets to while away the time. She browsed around to capture her golden past ..
Dusk set in and she slowly walked towards her house It looked spooky in the oncoming darkness. Slowly she opened the gate and went towards the backyard..Every thing looked the same..She went straight to her mango tree .No one was around .Even if someone was inside, that person .she was sure, paid no heed . Night set in.
She too the bottle of poison out said a silent prayer …Ten her lips mumbled “Joseph: just once ...then slowly ...very slowly she closed her eyes for a kiss that would never come She whispered “Joseph” just once more .This time with all the longing she felt for him….Suddenly she shuddered Her cold and trembling lips felt the warmth of another pair of lips ..Smothering her with passionate kisses…..A very familiar sound was calling her name ever so softly between the kisses..”Neelu…my precious darling …!”
Neelu sat bolt upright .she opened her eyes wide with a shiver..In addition, saw Joseph’s eyes looking deep in to hers. She pulled away from him and cried aloud ‘Joseph”…….yes it was him alright..’What are you doing here, my darling? are you real or am I dreaming ?’She was breathless when she spoke thus ...”I am real, my darling ‘Joseph consoled her …”I have been watching you from inside the house, the moment you stepped in .For it was I, who bought this house ‘…
Neelima fell over his shoulders and embraced him to her heart’s content …Opening wide the gateway to her golden future beside her beloved …
Yes. She had gone down the memory lane in to her colorful future …!

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